LOOK AT MY HAIR

its all shitty and faded. and well its not done and you cant even see the colours because ive played around with the camera effects being a whore etc hahah

but look at what it was at the very start!

damn time, you screw up everything.

but i cant really say that. you bring good things too

whatevers going on

there are so many things i would like to write about but if i did i wouldnt really know where to start and it would take up forever of a page because theres been so much happening and over all my blog sites and even twitter i cant really be fucked relaying everything back onto the internet now.

over the last, um, week, or so, things have like changed quite a bit with friends and such and like.. well hmm i dont know what to say about it.

its hard lately because i dont know where i am, i feel like im kinda drifting and its weird because theres nothing really stable. unlike last year at this time well a fuckload of drama was happening then but it was completely different. i had a stable EVERYTHING. now all those people are pretty much gone and theres new everything, but new everything changes quite a lot, people move on in sometimes just a few weeks, im not really used to that.

not that drifting through life is a bad thing, its quite ideal really, nothing really seems to bother you, just do whatever, but its more having nothing you know will always be there. or at least THINK, cause like ive learnt, things and people always leave in the end.

2009.. this seems fun

2009: In the Beginning

Where did you bring in the New Year? redwood
Who were you with? there was a big group of us at first, but drama happened that night and by the end it was just me and 2 friends that stayed over
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? no
Did you make any resolutions? drink more and do more drugs


2009: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone? yes
Did you get anything for Valentine’s day? no
Did you meet anyone special? a lot of people
Did you fall in love? no

2009: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year? yeah
Did any of your friendships end? too many
Did you dislike anyone? yes
Did you make any new enemies? yes
Did you resolve any fights? no
Who was your closest friend? i didnt really have one.. there was a lot.. phases of closest friends
Who did you grow apart from? way too many people
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? kinda

2009: Your birthday

Did you have a cake? i had 5 days of booze
What did you do for your birthday? went to auckland with a bunch of friends, saw a concert, got extremely drunk
Did you have a party? if that counts
Did you get any presents? yes
If so what was the best thing you got? hahahah a card from amy :) that totally made everything better.

2009: All about you
Did you change at all this year? yeah. a fucking ton.
Did you dye your hair? yes
Did you get your hair cut? yes lol first time in about 3 or 4 years
Did you change your style? yeah
Were you in school? no

Did you get good grades?

Did you have a job? yeah, but i got fired
Do you drive? no
Did you own a car? no.
Did anyone close to you give birth? no
Did you move at all? hahahahh, YES!

Did you go on any vacations? for a few days
Would you change anything about yourself now? yeah, but i dont know what

2009: Wrap Up

Is 2009 a good year? it was insane
Did 2009 bring any new insights? insights? fuck yes
Do you think 2010 will top 2009? fuck knows.

i feel kinda distant from you lately

HA. HA. HA

SHAME ON YOU BITCH!

i really cant express how much i hate you. it wouldnt even be words it would be just rage rage rage. im not usually an angry person but theres one woman out there that gets me raging and who ive hated since ive been a child.
every xmas my father and her have lunch and shit at theirs. they invite me. bad idea. all i do is steal shit from them.
this year i got her cellphone.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCHCUNTFUCKFACE@@@@#@$@#@%$@#!!!!!!!!!

hSHSHJRLDHJBGFDBHSFDSDGJKCHGVNRSHFDKGSHFMGXJKSM!!

way back when

this song just came on my mp3 player, it always used to make me cry. every single fucking time. but lately ive gotten over the feelings that came with it and now when i hear it its just memories, it still manages to set me in a mood. sort of reminiscing about everything that happened back then.

we were quite bad, we just got boozed, fucked around, played old 90s songs. but this certain one set me off on an emotional drunk ramble/break down once.
now ever since then the songs reminded me of her, its a fucking epic song though.

after about a month, we got too fucked up. i would sit around and just cry and slash myself up. she would cry and go to my brother. id get angry, id smash things. lets not go there.
then id go to jill. she hated that. she hated her.

sure i was messing around with both of them at the same time and they knew it and they got angry and jealous but nothing was ever real. or serious. well i wasnt seeing anyone but yeah.

so then she started hating me. i do feel bad because i feel like i kinda corrupted her. buying her booze. showing her a life shed never seen before. we had fun. it was kinda surreal. and i do miss her now, just miss talking at least. she was 2 years younger than me which i guess is why i felt like i was the bad influence.

but whatever, im a little drunk, im gonna stop talking now. i feel like playing this on repeat all day.

xmas

im really angry, i had a fucked up night and could hardly fucking sleep because everything was sore everywhere.
i did have some dreams though. that i was kurt cobain and i was depressed, my rugby team were coming to get me because wherever i was moping was flooding and i would die if i stayed there. um yeah its weird but it was cool, i remembered more of it this morning but forgotten now.
that made me happy but then i was angry again because of the sleep. i woke up with the most retarded hair ever. i would post a picture but its way too embarrassing.
remembered it was christmas and got kinda angry cause everyone else is sposed to come over and theyre all going to be happy and im in a mood.
i went out to use the internet and mum made us all open presents.

i was still angry and mum started having a go at me calling me an ungrateful little cow and all this other shit. about how the last 2 weeks shes done nothing but help me and gets it all thrown back in her face? thats shit. shes refused to do anything. and fucking calm down all ive done is be in a mood this morning. so fuck you.

then in this card from greg, its printouts of him having ordered me an L7 tshirt and a Bikini Kill tshirt, which did actually make me really happy and start smiling, mum looked at the bits of paper and asked what they meant, i explained to her with a tone of "you are a retard and im annoyed at having to answer your stupid question" kind of way. then she got all angry again and started harping on more.

so now im back to angry that i woke up with and unless i get drunk im probably going to stay that way the rest of the day.

i started to get dressed and mum had an aggro because of my stockings. they are bright green and have holes through them, she asked if i was sposed to be some sort of elf, then told me that i had to wear "pretty clothes"
FUCK YOU
telling me how to dress.
im not 5, im not taking that shit anymore, fucker.

fuck christmas. bring on the fucking booze.

pictures!

im at mums for the night. i didnt bring pj's so she gave me some of hers.

they have shits on them, see-




lolzlolzlolz.

also this is an old pic i found a while back.

looking a bit drunk there.

i fucking remember this!

I WANT MOAR PICZX!!

except it was known as farmers roof back when i went there. i dont have any particular memories of this but i know ive been there, and can only find one old as fuck pic. damn it. do want!

this is gonna be shit.

i think i need some heroin.

passing out

FUCK YOU !!@!$@!#%@%kKHJYGHJGHHJGJHKJIJKU;IHYGTFRFVOBRTJLKDJHGTHFDRI

STUPID FUCKING SUNBURN!

ive never had anything this bad before, fucking pass out in the sun for a couple hours and nearly my whole back and all up the back of my legs are BRIGHT RED and have been hurting like a fucking bitch for about 6 hours noww. fuck i cant even sleep cause its too painful! and my fist still hurts and my other finger which i seem to have slit nastily. and my foot and i also have a bunch of bruises up my legs.

i just put soothing shit on it but its not doing annnnnything! FUCK!

WTF DO I DOOOOOOOOO!!

shouldnt do that again

we totally wrecked that house. smashed everything through. im cut in several different places, my knuckles were bleeding and still hurt like a fucker.

and from the next day my legs are like burning.

i still havent really slept.

just passed out in a lot of random places for a few minutes/a cpl hours on the lawn this morning.

im not sure.

i feel sick, too spinny.

that was way too much.

i think its on repeat

priority list #3

1. Flat - DONE
2. GUITAR - DONE
3. Another cellphone (i run outta texts too quick) - DONE KINDA BUT I WANTED 027
4. Fulltime job (hopefully fast food place, discounts ftw)
5. Licence
6. Clothes
a. Joan Jett tshirt - DONE
b. pretty stockings - DONE
c. more miniskirts - DONE
d. those boots from the sex shop
e. bracelets, new ear stretchers, etc - HALF DONE
f. stuff from interpunk (better than you could ever find here) - DONE BY XMAS XD
7. Car

weird

some guy that calls himself ginga tom has been texting me lately.

first it was some random number which looked vaguely familiar, then i found out it was some guy that id once texted asking for drugs on behalf of a friend, someone at hack had given me the number.

now he knows my name (i did not tell him) and has been tryna like, talk to me and stuff.

its kinda like, what?

whatever was interesting about the day

woke up, did stuff, more stuff, went into town.

it was a nice walk up, all sunny and shit, daisy, robbie, brittany, and some other guy were at hack, we messed around, jay and a bunch of others came walking up. we went walkabouts for a session in some random carpark hallway, jumped in a pile of boxes along the way. giving daisy shit about being a cow etc. went back to hack. i left for a while and came back and there was a bigger group there, including C'S UP!

we jumped in more boxes outside BK, me and C'S UP!, and robbie n jay lifted up brittany and put her in them. also tried putting her into a rubbish bin which after that failed i got in voluntarily, but the door wouldnt close :(

umm more stuff prob happened which i cant recall and we left for a walk to hagley park, with some random hippy dude on his scooter who was trippy as fuck, going on about zen and nirvana and astro-something and all this stuff. they had a session and then we smoked some shit that the hippy said was used by shamans and witches, it didnt really do that much but then again i only had a bit of it.

crazy shiz happened, it got cold, more crazy shiz, sorry about the memory loss ahah. i was mostly pretty damn bored today.

they all acted like retards or zombies down the road and at people walking past hahahaha, um C'S UP! was yelling at asians and indians as usual, got back to hack, got burger king, tried to organize wtf we were doing tonight and i dont really know, they said they were going out, then they werent, then they were, then werent again. i couldnt really be fucked waiting around for a few hours in the cold for just like what, a box of beers? so fuck it, went home.

there was also a girl at hack who had 2 little puppies, that were cute, everyone was patting them and holding them. then 3 or 4 more people on the way to the exchange that they knew came up and had a box filled with kittens, FUCKING WANT! cute.

i got raped on the ground in a strait jacket. then went home.

lots of stars out tonight.

the end.

BORED

hmmm

dont really remember much of doing anything yesterday. just being in town, yelling at bums, sunbathing at old hack, fish and chips.. oh yeah! its all coming back now. stayed the night at lukes the night before, woke up about midday not hungover, he cooked me and robbie a really good breakfast. we walked from st albans to addington, to robbies to use the internet and so he could get changed and shower etc. then walked back to town and sat down for a while.

probably met some others, but i dont know.

i was trying to get the dyke brigade to hurry the fuck up and get into fucking town already, they reckoned they were coming in at 7 (snorrrrrrrrrre)

after fucking around quite a lot, at 10 they still werent there.

i pretty much couldnt be fucked with whatever fail plans were gonna happen that night.

so go over to brittanys.

i think i sat there probably texting twitter most of the night??? who knows. she played guitar, i played net for a bit. umm watched tv and yet again i started falling asleep while staring at it.

some weird movie was on that people were doing stuff to a guy.

yup.

that was the movie.

i sleep, wake up, go lay in the yard to get a tan cause at 10.30 it was fucking boiling and sunny and no clouds.

brittanys mum yells out to me if i want a coffee, so i go inside, we talk for like an hourish which is good because before that i was slightly scared of her. i end up moving in by the time the conversation is over.

still have been fucking around all day, playing computer games, san andreas, guild wars, pokemon diamond hahahahah which is pretty fucked up. keeps going too slow or too fast and fucking me off.

AND SOME FUCKING RAPE GAME HAHAHAHHAHAH which was pretty crackup but confusing as hell with what the fuck yr actually sposed to do on it. brittany loved it and played it for ages.

i looked at pretty pictures and have a fucking awesome new desktop background!!

RTGSRDTGSRERQ#@!@#$#$TFCQ@$!#!!@F$%#T@DES

makes me jizz etc each time i look at it.

now were still geekville with 2 laptops and a computer hahah.

3 guesses

i never thought itd be like this..
still kinda seems a bit.. hmm.. out of it.
i should get used to it.

and its not a bad thing, either.
if i sit for a minute and think about it, its still kinda like. hmmmm..
makes me stop i guess.

and it never fails to get me each time either.
every time, any time, whether its real or just my imagination, which has happened a few times ahah.

i get all lost and forget what im saying or thinking and probably end up looking pathetic when it catches me but its great to be caught anyway.

what have i been doing lately?
i cant remember.

its been there quite often though. this week and the week before and the week before that too.
i dont remember.

even when its not really there is still is.
i wonder if im doing okay.

i know at least one thing for sure anyway, this is like the strangest thing. its gotten me completely blown away since way back. and i know it hasnt been like ones before. also wonder what you think of all this. I WANT IN

i think we'd been cruising

party boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii YO! fun tiemz but C'S UP! is awesome. hahahahah only after hav ing not been around her while in town drunk for like a few hours i miss the bitch already. so much energy allllllllll the fucking time and i dont get how she does it lol i never used to be like that when i was 16. its awesome. we need to get fake idsssssssss to go and get into town or something! cruz with bull dykes!! ahahahhahahahahah.

its too hot in here and its weird it wasnt really that hot of a day today but still! i guess its just the alchy blanket, and the SKY LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME TONIGHT. i have like 1 can of booze left and it sucks lol i wanna keep drinking but theres actual none left anymore and its GAY gfkdlgdSFGHDHTVGTFHDVGHVFDSGWER$%$$^%&GTY^HUJOIJUTDREDVHRYJGTRFDTRRDF!@!!!@@#@!$#@#%$!!@!!

ummm what else idk i want the dyke brigade to get back so i can have some fun and prob work and a car and shit and its fun cause they have awesome times lol. i kinda miss the wretch i havent seen that motherfucker IN NEARLY A YEAR OMF WTF BBQ!@!#@!!@#!#@$#@!@#$#$#!@#!@#@$@##@$%$#@#@$#$@

we used to have fucken funny times fuck i wanna go back there when were drunk or some shit one day@@#!E@TRWEQ$W##$W$#W%RWREW%ET$R

and see stagg and bear again 1@!!!@!@@#$ ahhshshzhashhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha#@!#@#@#@#@!$#!

lolzlolzlolzlozlzolzzozlzozolzlozlozlozlzolzolzozlozlzolzlzolzozolzolzxozlozlzol

YUP RANDOM DISTORTION!!!!

i fucking WANT WANT FUCKING WANT holes first album. and i was a guitar. fuck i could get a NICE one i reckon. ill do it for that lol. and yeahhhhh got life plans kinda and ways of getting them but fucken need to save and shit! but its so fun having money and like friends and shit to spend it on and yknow fuck i dont really know what im rambling about now but its wayyyy fun like when you dont have internet as a distraction everything is full of fucking life and theres everythinggggggggggggggggggggggggg ahahha idk fuck!

okay social tiemz????? KTHXBAI

last night

well after town yesterday which was all eventful and shit we were drinking at mine and C'S UP! decided she wanted to work so for once i wasnt but just helping and shit, we brought booze down to manny and were drinking and having a good time and shit, then JT and some dude rocks up and start drinking with us and we eventually go back to mine after C'S UP! gets a job. im suprised she did dressing like that but yeah. lol and it was funny she only got one when i was sitting with her helping her.

i cant really remember the night like when i try and write about it because im too drunk and yeah, but we went to maccas like 3 times, went and drove to brittanys for a suprise visit at like 3am or some shit. we yelled at gangsters in hack at 4am.

we wanted to dance on the counter at maccas but the dude said no, he told me to get a chair instead so i pulled it up to the counter and started dancing on it with jay doing it too hahah. and made the guy dance also because he was saying some bullshit about doing that. ummm we sat around a lot at mine, playing music, twittering each other. me, jay, and brittany... ummm.. i was really drunk.. and yeah.. i think i still am a bit, i kinda feel sick but thats prob from the maccas...

hmm today im going over to brittanys to do her a cv and find a job and shit and tomorrow its GUITAR TIME BABYYYYYYYYY

i have to make this quick

i want the damn twilight comp to be fucking updated already, like JEEZ!
i want something more than whats been happening lately, its getting kind of blah.
i want myself to be able to not spend so much money.

i want to set up another bank acc?
i want the damn mp3 to work at net cafes.

lets take a look at my priority list like a week later....

1. Flat - DONE
2. GUITAR
3. Another cellphone (i run outta texts too quick) - DONE KINDA BUT I WANTED 027
4. Fulltime job (hopefully fast food place, discounts ftw)
5. Licence
6. Clothes
a. Joan Jett tshirt - DONE
b. pretty stockings - DONE
c. more miniskirts - DONE
d. those boots from the sex shop
e. bracelets, new ear stretchers, etc
f. stuff from interpunk (better than you could ever find here)
7. Car

im taking off booze and smokes for now because they arent big things i want to save for.
but thats pretty good i reckon for just a week.

SFGSFDOGJSDKLFJ

well there has been more very many lots of things that have fucking happened over the weekend and its tuesday now but seems to fucking far away, much much longer than a few days, i spose thats cause i havent slept since sunday so everythings been one big fucking CHUNK OF RANDOM FUCKING HAPPENINGS thrown into one space of time.

but like really though ive probably never had THIS much lots of shit happen in just like a weekend thing before.

and its all cause of C'S UP! pretty much lol.

fuck she cracks me up she gets around in town fucking stirring shit and being a crazy idiot and i fucken love it hahahah. you just spend like one day with her and experience so much hahah

and fuck this ima finish later. fagz wants sleep lol. and so do i.

no wait we are just being computer geek things in bed aha.

well fuck i dont know where to start and i dont know what ive already said so then i should go like back and fucking read all that shit but i really cant be fucked. ill just start with fucking SUNDAY.

but lol i dont actually remember what i was doing then.

so okay fail.

monday. umm

fuck probably fucking around in town or some shit.

oh wait yeah cause it was the day we met those randoms in town and went out for the night... and they sat around and shit and yeah okay i kinda got the jist of the day now.. i only remember the night though.. well at this point anyway i should prob think harder but fuck that, now im starting to crashhhhhhhhhhhh

i cant be fucked trying to remember and i really cant so ill just ramble about the all nighter.

after one job i got bored, which tends to like always happen hahahha so we went for a mish to maccas in town to get like as many cheezburgers as we could with $20 hahaha and it ended up being like 5 because we wanted mayo in them. then C'S UP! told me i should go with her free burger idea again, so i eat like most of the 5th one since it was my shout haha and leave a little bit and put a hair in it, she takes it up and gets another free burger and we split it up in quarters which kinda fails cause cheezburgers with mayo all in them are real slippery and shit.

we decided to be REAL cool and sit in hack for like a smoke at like half past midnight or 1am or some fucken shit. me and C'S UP! were just gonna go back to the backpackers but we decided we should try see if we could get another job cause the night had gotten real fucken warm, so we walk back up from town and i suggested (mostly jokingly) that she should try see if she can get a job hahaha i told her to take her head sack off n let her hair out but that evidently was too girly for her so she tied it back up. told her the prices she should tell if anyone wants her. we get to our spot and sit for like 5 minutes before a fucken indian comes up and i go over, firstly ask if he wants doubles for $250, hes like no, fucken cheap cunt, but then i tell the prices and ask who he wants. C'S UP! has to chill out for a bit til i get back.

but after this cunts done, she isnt there when i get back and i had like 3 missed texts so i checked it and IT FUCKEN TURNS OUT SHE GOT HERSELF A JOB HAHAHHAHAH SO FUCKEN PROUD OF HER SHSFDKJLGHKDSFJLJK;DS SDLK!!!!#@!@#$%^@$##!@

she comes back after like 10 min of me sitting there walking over with a big grin and i ask her all bout it, she said she acted all chicken when the guy wanted a handjob, and apparently he gave her $20 and sent her on her way??? im not sure really.

we walked back and were so fucking not ready to go to bed so just get 2 hours each on the internet and fucked around for ages doing stupid shit and yehhh that was fun til like 4.30 going on all these dating sites and shit and making accounts for hagatha and one for her just to talk to randoms cause she was bored and using her fake id person as the acc lol.. um then she tried to look up 2 girls 1 cup on youtube lol but i told her nah its not gonna be fucken there, if you want to look at shit like that go to this site redtube, introduced her to that and she fucken had fun watching all the lesbian shit lol, decided she would post links all over her gfs facebook and i gave some links to creature as well hahahah.. idk how the fuck we managed to use up 2 hours but then went for a mish down to maccas at merivale...........

it wasnt even fucking that long and we were both weirdly still buzzing and i wanted to cause trouble but suprisingly she didnt, for once ahah but it was kinda starting to get light. there was a fucken motel sign thing that i wanted to throw a rock at and try break, christmas lights i wanted to steal, but all i really did was find empty bottles in the gutter and smash them across the road..

walked through the drivethru and ordered 10 hash browns lol and large cokes, this fucking bull dyke thing served us and she was strangely happy to see us. if i was fucking working at that time in the morning id prob be fucked off and angry and shit. but nah this was a happy bull dyke. so we didnt yell bestiality at it. but we did manage to steal like $2-something from the charity things by the drive thru windows. then went to this park and sat and ate them.

walked back down to the backpackers and abused the early morning joggers and shit on the way. and random men in dressing gowns walking around motel carparks. then sat and smoked and drank like cans of big v's that shed gotten at the gas station... took laptop into the lounge thing and she played san andreas for ages and i sat playing this guitar for like half an hour.. trying to figure out what the fuck did what pretty much hahaha.. then i started to get real tired and lay down for like another half an hour but didnt actually go to sleep.. just like trying to but everything felt like it was actually buzzing or shaking or some shit so i couldnt.. then um i think i got up and C'S UP! was off somewhere so i played GTA and she came back said she was gonna have a shower and then ummm i dont really remember what happened until about lunch time 5 hours laters.

this fucking gross 80 year old thing that like freaked me out lol bought a cellphone for me ahahahhahaha fuck man he was like ew just no just actual no i cant do old people i cant be stupid and shit around them cause theyre always unimpressed and especially fucking fancy ass rich cunts that get around driving fucking jags and wearing weird car suits like he owns the fucken company or some shit.

i met him with C'S UP! in the car park at burger king and we get in he gives me it then were like um can you drop us off at this backpackers down the road we have a friend staying there were meant to be seeing, then he goes down the sidestreet to park up but theres no parks and starts rambling about how he FUCKING WANTED TO TAKE ME TO FUCKEN COFFEE SOMEWHERE and im like thinking offf fuck here we go /facepalm ahah just leave me alone niggerrrrrrrrrrr!

then C'S UP! fucken goes and says i should have coffee with him and i can meet the friend after, so i ask him if she can tag along and he says its okay. if im going down then im dragging her with me hahahahhah... so we fucken drive out to like near airport wants at this fancy place called cafe euro or some shit. we order beer and i get a lollycake ahahahha and pretty much scull my corona. the old dude drives like a hoon man and he talks like an old person should NOT.

all this swearing and carrying on. fuck he spurts some crap outta that mouth of his.

he was even fucking going on about fucking taking me away for the fucking weekend somewhere! akaroa or hamner!

I AM NOT FUCKING GETTING AROUND WITH SOME FUCKING OLD DUDE THAT COULD BE MY FUCKING GRANDAD PRETENDING TO BE FUCKING INTO HIM AND SHIT!

like just EWWWASFGDKAWGDHKL:SGKLSDJHKLSJDKGLJSFDKLJGRSKLETJOIW%$U^GEWPO

so okay he drops us back and we pretty much burst out laughing soon as he gets outta sight and ranting on about him for ages and i keep on repeating NAH JUST NAH THATS JUST FUCKING WEIRD ITS FUCKING WEIRD MAN

like constantly outside at the smokers bit in backpackers. and im shaking and cant sit still and keep on fumbling with shit im trying to do like text or do this puzzle thing. my legs like tapping up and down really fast cause i want to go and fucking stir up some shit in town or do some fucking thing but sit and chain smoke.. but C'S UP! was tired and wanted to sleep so i let her for a bit before it got like unbearable and just told her nah i have to get outta here and do something.

walk into town and it starts to get way too fucking hot and im wearing jeans and shit and just blah

so we try catch the shuttle and the bitchcunt driver wont let C'S UP! on because she has an open can of V so just walked like into town, i was moaning the whole time of being way too hot lol and wanted to go into farmers to get new clothes to change into but she wanted to meet her gangsters in hack so she went there n then went for a walk with me back to farmers a bit later. bought some bright green stockings. there was no good skirts so went to jayjays and found something that was kinda av but it was gonna have to fucken do since it was way too hot.

met brittany in town and we wandered around to some music shops, then met emma a bit later and umm we fucked around back in hack for ages, we had a vivid and decided we would draw all over each other so im still sitting here the day after covered in it.

it was offensive gang signs that some fucking fat bitch drew on us but emma with her pro skillz covered it up with hippy stuff. we went to bubblecup to meet jemzkat, and i got 2 new hot tats. one of erin simpsons face on my tummy and the other of hannah montanas face right up my back. so i decided id walk around town in my bra from then on so everyone could see.

we walked to the cathedral and on the way acted like lesbians all arms over each other and holding hands and shit. this group of like 6 of us. with one half naked.

went all the way up to the front and sat there for a bit, some choir was singing with little boys who kept staring. we acted some more lesbian then left.

everyone loved it.

lol two of them shouted HITLER as we left.. umm then we went to this fountain by the river and me and emma stripped off to underwear and went in. we even got our heads under like real proz. brittany only rolled up her jeans and sat on the edge. C'S UP! ran around splashing everyone. i started getting kinda numb so got out, i had FTP written on my back and some cop came past and asked what it was, one of the guys, glen, went over and said FUCK THE POLICE so he got arrested for like 15 minutes.

then we sunbathed.

then we smoked.

then we went to find a toilet.

still with me walking around half naked.

found the kfc toilets.

some emos went WOAH when they saw us going up the stairs and we cracked up laughing.

me and emma decided we wanted to piss in the urinals. brittany decided she wanted to watch.

i sat and did it while emma was UBER SKILLZ and stood up hahahahhaahhahahah!!

um then fucked around in hack for a bit. some old dodgy guy gave me $5 for a feed, prob cuz i was sitting there in just a bra and miniskirt looking hawt with all my tats hahahahha!

fucked around some more before going to the backpackers to sort out what else we were doing for the night.

on the way back walked down the centre of bealey and there was dried grass straw shit which i put on my head. then shoved some up emmas skirt. she loved it.

brittany and emma joined in playing with the straw shit and decided they wanted to shove some down my bra and down my underwear, and in the back of my bra strap.

so now i am like the epitome of awesome.

the dude at reception was like what is going on when we all traipsed through hahahah. i showered n got changed, we walked back to the exchange with me deciding not to work or drink and just go stay at brittanys the night.

SEE AM STILL BEING GOOD!

we got to town, saw everyone off, caught the bus, got to her stop, saw the local fat kid, yelled abuse at him. a passerby told me that ill scar him for life, and that its funny but cruel. but its okay cuz brittany says the local fat kid is a cunt.

when i yelled he turned around his bike and went off ahah. dumb bitch.

we got candy and shit from the dairy, and i totally forgot about my cream egg and icecream til we got back to hers and then i was real happy to find them in my bag ahhahahah.

pretty much fucked around on the net all night and went upstairs for a bit n watched tv and i talked to her friend on the phone for like 10 minutes about random shit hahaha. then i started to like fall asleep and got cushions thrown at me lol. so go down to her room and get on the net some more which makes me more awaker but still tired since last night has been my first sleep in a while lol.

today we bused to town, i left the backpackers. met C'S UP! there and she got in the car to get a ride to town. me and mum argued HARDOUT on the way there and were even hitting each other ahahaha. went to useless actionworks, then property managers. then back to hers to do my washing and get food and fuck around till 3.30 when we go back to move in.

so yeah. sorry for the epic size.

calm before the storm

RANDOM PHOTOS OF THE WHENEVER THIS WAS...

i couldnt really sleep after i got home in the early hours this morning. i mean my body was like tired but my mind stayed awake, so i dragged myself up at like 9am, showered, talked to my room-mates who were going to riccarton market, they didnt know what bus or anything to catch so i walked them to the exchange since i was going to town anyway. we went down this weird way which i thought would be a pretty-looking shortcut but it ended up failing and not really being one lol. theyre cool to talk to anyway. i showed them to the exchange and explained the buses and told them to try get on as kids because they look young enough to pull it off.

then i went to a net cafe and typed up like 3 blogs, 2 of which id handwritten off the laptop the day before. it actually look me an hour of typing nonstop to get everything out hahahah and i do type quite fast. saul met me at the net cafe and he was being a fucking idiot for a bit then we left and fucked around in town for a while.

we went to the library just before the santa parade started and spent like fucking half an hour trying to get on the free internet but nothing would fucking work and the express ones by the doors took too fucking long with weirdos doing stupid shit on them so after getting angry and him getting some books out we gave up and went to watch the parade. we walked around trying to find a good spot out in front and found one. sat nice and peacefully for a while before i started to get an urge to run up and get on one of the floats. so we waited for a good one to come along and this thing called the little red caboose went past. it was like this 3 part train and noone was on the back one, so we jumped up and ran up to it, jumped on and started looking awesome and showing off for the crowd. it was fun at the start because the people around us would have seen us get up and jump on and mostly every face i looked at, looked me up and down and got unimpressed screwed up looks on their faces. that was mainly stupid middle aged and old people though. and gangster bitches. all the cool people just grinned and laughed hahahah. i started doing rockon signs and sticking out my tongue at the same time, dirty dancing on one of the poles at the back. smoking, and being stupid. saul was just being an idiot as usual. he took off his shoes and sat through the bars and dragged his feet along the ground. was doing the fingers to people, and waving like a douche lol.

we passed a lot of cops and officials and shit and none of them even cared or knew that we werent meant to be up there. oh i remember seeing quite a few cool middle-ages people, like women with short radical haircuts who would look at my docs then grin at me. hahahah theyre the shit.

when we jumped on it was just outside the bus exchange and we managed to ride it all the way to the kilmore street corner before we jumped off. cause this guy who was part of the float came up to us, cause wed been edging around the sides to steal flags from the float and i think he saw us doing it. he took the flags off us and told us to get off and shit and i just told him like we were allowed up there, we were last minute recruits and he mustnt have been important enough to be told about us. then this other guy came up and wanted us to get off too and he had a radio and said he'd get the cops if we didnt. i was like fuck then go on, so he did, but saul said he didnt want to get arrested again, so we told them laters, they said no you cant get off the cops are coming. we giggled and got off anyway. i wouldnt have minded being arrested, it would have been awesome in the middle of the parade. fuck yes.

then we walked proudly, still in the road, back down to where we jumped on. so then everyone who saw us before would have known we werent sposed to be there hahahahhah. on the way down we interrupted several tv cameras with stupid poses and stuff, and a lot of peoples video cameras. love it. im just an attention whore really. fucking loveeeeeeeeeee it AHAHAHHAHHH!

um then he got like bored and hungry or some shit so we went to the exchange to find out where the buses were leaving from and walked down there to like manny and st asaph street. waited for like ages and im like fuck this the buses will start up again from the exchange soon and the parade was over so yehhh walked up and sat in the hobo spot. met nathan and his gf there, we stood around the entrance for a bit and they wanted to leave and i was like nahhh i wanna fuck around town some more. i really am a fucking town bum. to the EXTREMES NIGGER!

i think then i went to a net cafe again for an hour and played wow and whored myself on sites and msn for a bit. time ran out and i was getting hungry since the only thing id had was a cheeseburger. went to kfc and who should fucking be in there but EMMA and 2 of her friends, james (i think- just know him as jemzkat lol which i will refer to him as from now) and crystal, i got my popcorn chicken snackbox and then told emma what she would get which was totally different to what she said to the woman but then she changed it hahahahah large ultimate burger meal and got a free extra ranch sauce WOOO i love that shit. we went upstairs and replaced the normal chairs with the kids coloured ones just cause were cool like that. we fucked around there for 2 hours cause thats how long it took emma to finish her meal cuz we were talking too much to eat. i ended up doing jemzkats hair all spiked up. it looked fucken HAWT hahahah! he loved it. he screamed when he went into the bathroom to look after i was done. according to the other chick that stayed at the table everyone looked lol. they wouldve probz thought he was being raped cuz me and emma just go into the mens with him cause we have dicks too.

then i decided i would give emma a mohawk. that took like a fucken hour to do lol and in the end it hardly even stayed up! we put straws and spoons in it to help it hold lol. and i gave her devil side horns. and one rhino horn in the front hahahahah! used like half my fucken container of wax! so much! but it was totally worth it. she looked rape-worthy. but there were kids around. had to hold in my urges. HAHAHAHAH! hot shit. in the end we just messed it up and she looked like she had dreams lol. with a spoon sticking out of the rhino horn at the front. HAWTTT BIATCHHHH ahahah. not before taking photos though. and rambling on for ages about how much we love twilight and paris hilton. and various other things including many stories about many things. and there was a THUNDERSTORM!

IT WAS FUN YO I LOVE YOU ALL

so like we leave and theyre going to see a movie and who should be fucking walking along the other side of the road but the fucken dyke brigade. the first one i see is kayla so i yelled her name but they went behind a bus so couldnt see. then i yelled DYKES! then i yelled C'S UP! and they came running over hahahah.

i rape-hugged emma goodbye and then started wandering around with the dyke brigade. we walked around hack and cashel mall and shit and then went down to like the bridge of rememberance. we posed with the bridge and took pictures lol and then me and C'S UP! got up on the shoulders of the 2 stauncher ones and played gladiators while the camera dyke took pictures hahaha. then we um walked down by the river for a bit and did some stupid stuff, then they found this fountain and decided they fucking wanted to jump in it so they stripped down and did lol and the other one took more pictures hahahha. i was standing there just like wtf that must be freezing, and it was still raining at the time.

then found a statue thing with random women on the side of a wall and posed with them. then got up and sat on the wall and took more picturezzzz... ummm then we walked around being rude to people etc, and found this fucken weird tube of red shit that looked like blood when you squeezed it out. real thick sticky blood.

OMG I AM EDWARD CULLENZZZZZ!

!#RDFGSDFGSDFGDFGHESLDIHGLSARDHSIHDFJD!!

and we like wiped it on people as we walked past them lol and found this blow up stick thing that made a big noise when you whacked someone. we went around smacking people with it, and shook hands with people with the red shit all over our hands. then i gave C'S UP! a condom and she smeared that shit on it and blew it up and stuck it over her hand and like terrorized asians and indians lol.

walked around doing more stupid shit that i cant think of. i know we just talked to people saying dumb stuff and yelling etc. and found some thingy-things which we kicked around the streets. then C'S UP! and kayla left and me, creature, and the camera one went to her car and she dropped me off at home.

i sat outside for a bit and smoked and talked to some foreigners. one was some hot girl that i dont know where she was from, and the other was a cool english dude.

went inside and started blasting music cuz i had the dorm to myself and playing san andreas.

now im still doing the same thing, but taking a break to write this blog of the day.

my cool asian roommates just got home and we shared day stories and now im done with writing so shall go back and play san andreas again XD

i really love how people run over to a black man with a gun whose just killed someone. real smart.

very many lots of things

this is gonna take me a while.
a collection of everything that happened yesterday which seems like its lasted a few days not just one afternoon and night.

jem came over and picked me up, it was a hot as fuck day, first day in like a fucking year we had all the windows down and were still hot. we went to see jasmine at her work and scored free bakery food, made our way to brighton and got fish n chips covered in cheese and mayo. parked up and ate them but felt sick after not much, as usual. probably less than half finished lol.
as we were eating this seagull kept flying up and landing on top of another one hahahah like standing on its back and head and shit. i took pictures on my cellphone but i havent looked at them yet and they are probz fail.

we drove down to south brighton beach where we met jasmine cuz she finished work and was coming with us for a swim. i didnt have any swimming gear so i just took my stockings off and went in with my jean shorts. the original plan was to only go up to where they stopped so i wouldnt get my clothes wet, but that failed ahahah.
we were pretty nervous about going in cuz it was windy as fuck down at the beach and yes the ocean was cold lol. we played around for like half an hour or some shit. i cracked up so bad for ACTUALLY ten minutes because jasmine pushed jem over and she went completely under. jem tried to get her back but jasmine is just too strong and doesnt go down. she eventually gets her though and i end up pretty much going up to my waist in, didnt go under cuz i didnt want to ruin the hair hahahhaha. but got completely soaked clothes anyway cuz of the waves splashing up at me.

after beach they dropped me back home and i had a shower, fucked around for a while and read my book, got a text from kayla a cpl of hours later asking if i want to go out tonight, i had no money but they said theyd pay for booze so i was like yeah sweet come pick me up from backpackers.
creature got there in her boy racer car and we like cruised around christchurch in random areas for a bit. C'S UP! was there and she was rarking up some boy racer fag things in a shitty car so we had like some car chase thing down a 2 lane road for a bit, it was fucking funny and we were yelling shit and doing signs out the windows. i love her tinted car windows hahahah.
we dropped some girl off at some place then fucked around the city a bit more, went to the warehouse and bought some glowsticks, me and C'S UP! found these whistles and kept on blowing them, attracting the attention of staff hahahah.

we left and after fucking around some more went back to creatures mums house where were drunk like one beer then did abso-fucking-lutely nothing for the next hour and a half. i was bored as shit so went on their net. played them some GOOD MUSIC, riot grrrl, C'S UP! said it was emo and walked off its her gf somewhere. by the time i looked around the room theyd all gone so i went out to be social.

they had some pet lamb thing which is not really a lamb but not a sheep either, it MAAAAHHH'd really loudly and freaked me out a bit to be honest lol.

we went on a mish to get fish n chips for creatures mum, and get booze for us, so drove to bishopdale shops and C'S UP! got in this trolley and creature was pushing her along real fast then let her go across the carpark hahahah i laughed for ages at that lol had me in tears.

got our booze and went back and got ready for town. we went on another mish first to pick up jack, then went to this girls house who i knew from primary school, and she got hot since then hahahah. it was kinda lame and we left and went for more cruises around the city, blasting music and yelling shit and throwing empty bottles at parked cars and speeding and having a fucking blast drunk driving, went to pick some more people up from who fucking knows where, they had to sit in the boot hahahah cuz there were 5 of us already in the car.

got into town after a very long mission, saw brad at cruz but noone else was there and it was kinda dead. my old highschool friend scarlett texted me saying she was in town and we should go clubbing or some shit, so i walked down to the art gallery where she was near and met her.
BUT!
ON THE WAY!
GUESS WHO I FUCKING BUMPED INTO!
....................

CARO, JABBU, AND VICKY!

so i talked to them for a bit and they told me all this shit about hagatha, the last time i saw them they said they hated her and all this crap so i drunkenly texted her at about 4.30am telling her how i heard she has no friends and she deserves it or some shit.

they said hagatha had gone around to their house ranting about the text, and wanted some stuff of hers back that they had. and hagatha apparently was with WHO ELSE BUT HER FAT FUCKING EX. so now she actually has no friends and i find this so hilarious, they said some more shit about her missing stuff and wanted to know if i stole it, i said no, they ask about beth, i say i havent seen her since she moved out.
then go to meet scarlett.
we walk back to town and go to cruz, it was lame and we couldnt find actually anyone. so we walked around town and saw some guy called photo guy who takes town pics or some shit, got our pics taken which i will attempt to find and maybe post here if i can. saw some bitch i used to go to all 3 of my growing up schools with. shes still a bitch. and some other girl who i wasnt really friends with but she was nice anyway.

me and scarlett end up in hack and finding scene kid andrei. who isnt scene kid andrei anymore but just plain andrei. she talks to him and his big group for a while and i found courtney who had awesome wedges and sour cream, so i wander and talk to her. some girl from scarletts group gives me half a box of hot chips with sauce all through them. so im mixing those in the sour cream and just having some feast hahaha which was my first food since the fish n chips at the beach earlier.

scarlett gets bored of town and she gets in a taxi home, i wander off with courtney for a bit, then i leave after like a block of walking and rambling about who knows what to her. i dont even remember hahahah. go back to cruz find the rest of everyone there, fuck around for a bit before we decide town is lame.

3 of us walk up and the other 2 went to get the car to drive up. i go to the car and finish off the booze and have a smoke. decide that i cant be fucked anymore cuz ive already got 100 and so we get up on the roof of the car and start blasting music and dancing. for 2 hours we were dancing on the roof. i was flashing pretty much every single car that went by. screaming WOOOO at them. dirty dancing on the roof of a car, dressed like a slut.
it was fucking fun and it was such a hot night that it was great.
C'S UP! was doing handstands and cartwheels all over the road, and chasing down cars and hitting them as they go by.
she chased this guy who looked gay down the road with a bottle of red fizzy, attempting to pour it all over him. he started running for his fucken life when he saw her coming at him, fuck it was funny! im not sure if she got him or not but she threw it lol.
we dance some more.

then this guy pulls up.

i go talk to him and he rants on about hes a pimp and blah blah, seems real dodgy but then we get talking and his group get out of the car and come talk with us for like half an hour.
he was a fucking buzzkill though and we started to get cold for lack of dancing. this is about 5amish so we just all get dropped home. id taken some awake pills that night so i was pretty keen to do whatever else but nah. everyone was wasted as shit. id also taken 2 pills that the dyke brigade said was "mild acid" but i didnt even slightly trip. oh well.

This aint the summer of love

FUCKER
GKRJHSERTY38W4T43WJD543WFEWRUITFEIDIERTESGKJH

I wanna write about some shit but i dont really know what. i stayed at grahams last night on his couch, where i fell asleep playing warcraft hahahah, was drinking, and yehhh id been doing that for about 17 hours. not 30ish hours like i thought at the time hahah. my neck hurt like fuck when i woke up 4 hours after passing out and the 2 smokes i had in my pocket had snapped in half :(

i remember having some sort of trippy dream but cant remember it now, drunk dreams are always the best ones.

graham took me to mums where i picked up some tops (running srsly low on clean ones) and gave her a list of flats that i wanted to look at because she has a phone and internet and is actually good at organizing shit, unlike her hopeless daughter.
he dropped me back at the backpackers and gave me $20 for food money. hopefully i can work tonight and get something to keep me going for the next few days at least.
AND I HAVE TO SAVE!
saving is number one.
i dont care about food really, i care more about booze. But No. i have to abandon my alcoholic frame of mind, and get shit sorted rather than drink my life away.

Emma suggested making a priority list. i'll attempt one here.

1. Flat
2. GUITAR
3. Another cellphone (i run outta texts too quick)
4. Fulltime job (hopefully fast food place, discounts ftw)
5. Licence
6. Clothes
a. Joan Jett tshirt
b. pretty stockings
c. more miniskirts
d. those boots from the sex shop
e. bracelets, new ear stretchers, etc
f. stuff from interpunk (better than you could ever find here)
7. Car
8. Booze
9. Smokes

thats all i can think of at the moment.
LOOK HOW FAR DOWN BOOZE AND SMOKES ARE SEE I AM BEING A GOOD GIRL!

If i had my way at the moment the list would look something like that...

1. boozbzze
2. kzfc
3. smsoeks
4. sguatr
5. cslkthoes

and thats as far as i would get with my life.
note, they are spelt fucked upedly because id be drunk.
in proper english, it reads- booze, kfc, smokes, guitar, clothes.
If i continue with my alcho mindset then yeah, working girl forever and sleeping in bushes or some shit cuz id lose all my friends as they see how useless i become and fail at life.

BUT YES now i has this list i must get motivated yo. itll get me what i want and thats what im gonna do to get it.


i think today im just gonna fuck around here for a bit. maybe play san andreas, sit in the sun, readf my book. its a nice hot day already and its only 10.30am. have to shower after this cuz im still in yesterdays clothes, and it sucks cuz i cant wash my hair cuz it goes reeeeeal afro and shti and i dont have a hairdryer or straighteners. i should have taken those shitty ass ones from mums, even though it takes ages for them to heat up and they barely straighten its better than nothing yknow. better than having yuck hair. well im gonna straighten it with my FINGERS! beat that GHD!!!!

i might text jem and we might go to the beach or some shit. hmmmmm.. i wanna go buy some actual food thatll last more than 15min with that $20 lol. like instead of $12 on a KFC meal. even though its fucking amazing. damn it. blah i need FAGZ for that and shes going to like a party or something today.

well maybe i can get like fish n ships thats like $2 for a decentish feed. at the beach. yeahhh yum. then live off milo or tea or coffee thats free here. srsly this is kinda bad but one drink like that can actually fill me up if im hungry.

shower time. KTHXBAI <3 id="gwProxy" type="hidden">

Laugh It Off So I Don't Feel It

what has happened to you.
i know you havent been replying as much lately and yeah i get that, cuz mostly i talk a lot of crap.
but with what you were saying tonight like what is going on.

i know you used to be exactly like me. in fact you were probably even worse and i can admit now, i went down with you just by being there. but you still gave me something to hold onto. some kinda hope for something or other. you were the one that was always there for me and when i went through all that fucking shit back then id be able to come to you any fucking time and youd be there. you have me the most anyone ever has before. and im a much better person now because of you. i owe you so much.
there were extremely bad times too and i was around for all that, both of our bad times. but still i knew i could count on you.

now youve moved away to what seems like a better life. some perfect thing with the man of your dreams that whisked you away to it.
now what is it? because youve gone we just dont talk? nothing matters anymore? i havent really moved on from what i was back then, maybe emotionally, im not a fucking wreck that doesnt know whats going on anymore. but mentally im still the same. i still drink all the time. i still cant organize my life for shit. i havent got those friends back and i dont think i ever will.

maybe youre just over it now youre engaged, now you want kids, now youre living a domesticated life with a job and husband and whatever else youve got there. what the fuck happened to that crazy punk rocker i used to know and love? it wasnt that long ago you were trying to do really fucking bad things. i would have never let you do that if i was there but all you had was a pitiful slack of a boyfriend who was pretty much your fucking doormat. he couldve stopped you but all he got was "that serious tone" in his voice.
what was it they called you? moderately severe? some shit that contradicted itself like that.
i was there through all that shit.
just because im the same person doesnt mean you can get all self righteous snob.

24pack of beers

got home from Brittany's, got in a sad on the bus cuz i was listening to my mp3 on random play all and complicated by heavens to betsy came on and it got me in a sad because of jill earlier then i started thinking about all this shit to write about when i got home. so i did.
then played san andreas for a while which made me happy. tried texting around to get a ride for work but noone wanted to, but graham was texting back saying he wanted to see me so im like yeah sure guess ive got nothing else to do tonight. he rocked up and had burger king waiting for me. and a 24 pack of speights in the back of his car. id sobered up a bit since drinking earlier with gangsters in the park and brittany.
i was fucking wasted as shit then. sculled like nearly a whole can of diesel, had a sip of beer then sculled the rest. kyle gave me some backrub and i realized after like ten minutes he'd unhooked my bra hahahah and then i nearly fell asleep laying on him lol. they left and we left and we fucked around for a bit before meeting her friend kane then went to kfc and got a feed. met some random girl there and i smoked pretty much a whole fag upstairs before getting asked to leave cuz some gangster bitches told on me. fucking skank hoe.
i told the manager who came up i didnt realize there was no smoking in here. HAHAAHAHAHAH.

i think we fuckd round for a bit more then went back to brittanys and fucked around listening to music and she played the hunger on bass for me which i still feel special that im the only one she will play for lolzlolz. but were gonna be in a fucking awesome badass band soon so its ALL GZ!
earlier this morning i was lying in bed pretending to be asleep while the random foreigners were doing something in the room then gt a text from beth saying to meet hr at the place on fitz she was staying, walked down there, she gave me some envys. we drank them. saw a car smash. hope the people werent hurt cuz it was pretty serious and they had all these fire engines (not trams hahahha) and ambulances and cops around. we bussed to the palms and she bought stockings and smokes and bussed back.
i walked around town for a bit. ran into C'S UP! and fucked around with her. her gangster friends had this asians cellphone that they stole and we smashed it and i had fun jumping on it. i was drunk hahaha and only at like 12.30 in the afternoon. started drinking at like 11ish too.
met brad at some point for like ten minutes. met saul and vinnie from course and did a drug deal.
then who comes running across the road but BRITTANY and nearl gets hit by a bus lolz. so we fuck off buy booze and that brings us back to drinking in the park with gangsters wich i mentioned earlier. this blog is way out of order lol randm bits from the day as i remember them.

so yeah i think that was pretty much all of my day today. and now im at grahams house whoring myself on the internet with a whole pack of 24 beers to go. what a fucken day hahahahah.

take this card so you can remember who you are

after meeting with emma, walking around a lot, getting starbucks, then going to the library so i could sleep and she could listen to my mp3, i fell asleep for too long and missed my appointment, went there anyway and they told me it was actually at 2.40 tomorrow! i couldve sworn when i made it, it was for wednesday. oh well. its today and i wont be late hahah.

after seeing her off ummm i dont really remember what i did then. i think i found saul and we sat at my homeless bit outside the exchange for a bit, i fell asleep with my head on my knees there. we went inside and waited for nathan to get there on the bus. i fell asleep twice. he came and we saw a few more guys from course and caught up with them etc, nathan had to go to his mums to get something then he bussed back into town to see us again. i fell asleep prob a couple more times. i think. then we went to his house cuz we were gonna stay there the night for lack of place to sleep.

we stopped at the supermarket and get some more booze and my dinner which consisted of a bag of mars pods, box of pizza shapes (which are FUCKING addicting) and a bag of the works chips. hahahahhaha nice dinner.

so we walked to his and started drinking and watching tv and shit, just boring stuff really. they played car racing games on the ps2 a bit later. nathans girlfriend was telling me she was bisexual and saying some shit about hooking up with me or having a threesome i dont know. i sat there and laughed. she was gross.

i fell asleep a lot of times on the couch, then went to bed at like 9.30 because i was just waaay too tired to stay up any longer. i put my mp3 on in bed but like one of the headphones didnt work. wheni woke up this morning the plug wasnt in properly so hopefully it was just that. and i fell asleep listening to music, not that i needed it to sleep to but it was nice having it there anyway to block out the car racing noise.

pretty much fell asleep straight away and got woken up by nathan at 7.30 cuz they were all going to course, so i had to leave too. saul told me he heard nathan and his gf fucking for like an hour. and he was sleeping downstairs. i was in the room right beside them. and i didnt even hear i was that dead to the world lol. 

my fucking hair was a mess and my eyes looked like i was on some serious drugs and hadnt been sleeping for a while. so i put on my BROKEN!!! sunglasses and pulled my hood up so i was okay to go out in public hahahah. 

and fuck it my damn sunnies broke yesterday. this is what happened with the last pair that were exactly the same, i put too much heavy shit in my bag and they break. i can still wear them but it feels kinda weird. i think it looks normal though. last time was a cask of wine and this time was just me carrying around shit i need to live, and a big heavy book i got from the library yesterday.

they only cost like $16 from kmart so if they fuck up any more it wont be a big problem to get new ones that are the same.

today i'm at mums cuz she text me to come over. we're trying to find some backpackers or place that rents out rooms weekly. shes been trying to convince me for days and days to move into this fucking place out at wigram, because its just down the road from course. i keep on arguing with her and she fucking wont let up. i can feel a vein on my temple flare up as i write this getting angrier about it hahahahha.. i just wanna fucking scream at her:

I DONT FUCKING GO TO COURSE CUZ I GOT KICKED OFF WEEKS AGO FSDHGDFGHGDHDF!!#$@!%#!%#!!!!!#$!!!

that would shut her up about it but also spaz her the fuck out and most likely she would throw me and my suitcase (which ive just been leaving here, dont wanna walk around town the whole day carrying that) out on the front porch. im just going to say course only has like a week to go. its easier me not living at hers because then she cant moan about me not going to course, and potientially being kicked off because of not going. heh.

i think im gonna just shower and get changed and do washing today. its weird how she lets me come back for shit like that but she wont let me actually stay there till us 3 get a proper flat. and now that i dont think shes paying the bond for us its going to take a fuckload more time.

fuck i hate this shit i feel kinda like i have to sort it out myself but i cant even do that til i find a fucking roof over my head, that has internet cuz i gotta look for flats and shit on that. and im about 90% sure beth and brad arent doing anything about it either.

it just feels like theres something in the way. ive felt this way before, a hell of a lot of times. any time that ive tried to leave home, like theres something between me and leaving. too much responsibility involved in sorting out a flat for the 3 of us by myself. i dont know really how to explain it but like an invisible wall or some shit. fuck it someone else do it :(

after i went to this net cafe i went to the library and got out the book i was reading yesterday, then jasmine found me and we walked around town for a little before deciding to go back to her car and get booze, went to new brighton and got an 18 pack for $19!!
SCORE!
drove to the beach and sat there for a while talking and listening to the radio. some cops came and she got a bit paranoid but they pulled beside this boy racer car and got out and walked around and went into the boot and then left. i had a disposable camera and was taking pics throughout the night.
we went to pick up jem after and went to horseshoe lake river and got more boozed, then at like 11 jasmine dropped me back in town where i found saul from course, i gave him my last beer bottle and we walked around for a bit and saw tree and his friend playing their pot and asked him if he was selling, walked with him up to maccas where we found this other guy and got some.

went around to a few diff backpackers to find saul a room because hes still homeless and even though he did get arrested earlier they let him go.

we could find anywhere so went back to my one and it was right beside this school and we decided to have a sesh there. made a fail bottle of coke can then just had a joint. while i smoked my fag and took some pills. there was heaps of cats running around lol and a heddehog. and a hopscotch which i played on lol.

then pretty much went back to the backpackers and i sneaked him in so he stayed the night there. the pills mixed with that booze made me pretty much fall asleep straight away so yeah.

walked into town in the morning and tried to find some other backpackers and found this one which i might go back to later and get, but they needed a passport or credit card and bloody saul had neither of those things. we walked back into town and he got $2 rice and i fell asleep on the table and dreamt about pokemon hahahah for like 10 min.

he woke me up and we went to kfc and i was still so tired and wanted to just sleep, but couldnt cuz they shut the upstairs.

i waited for the bus with him before going to this net cafe and yeah. im sposed to meet up with brad, beth, brittany, and emma at some points today but im not sure if they want to come because of the weather so we'll see anyway.

so liek hey

after going to bed at like 5am, i got woken up my a yelling mother opening the curtains at 10am ish, then went back to sleep for 2 hours, woken up again, went back to sleep for one hour, woken up again being told i am to be up and ready to leave by the time she finishes drying her hair. knowing her, this will take a while so i do some shit and ready to go by then.

she takes me to a backpackers on barbadoes street and got me a room for one night, so now im staying there. after she took me and bought subway for lunch which was nice. went to family planning and made an appt to get on the pill for 2.40 tomorrow. i must not forget this. on the way i saw this dorky girl from high school so talked to her for a bit outside lol.

walked up into town and got stopped for ages by this greenpeace guy who tried to get me to sign up, but ended up pretty much sharing life stories before i left him. hung around in town for a bit before going to the library, i wanted to get dirty blonde and have been casually checking every so often for most of the year but its never in, so talked to the library woman and she couldnt find it so its been reported missing, blah.

instead i got this book about nirvana and started reading that. it was fucking massive but reading about all that shit got me REALLY motivated to save for a guitar and start a band too. everything about that type of life seems SO FUCKING APPEALING.

was texting a few people there and met up with one of the guys from course later in town where i sat outside the bus exchange looking like a homeless for ages. we walked around, he gave me smokes, we tried to get some bud but that failed.

he told me him and his gf (looks like a dude) got arrested for vandalizing a school last night and fighting with the cops.
theyre going back again tonight and this time they have cricket bats. theyre homeless as well so theyre doing that shit just to get arrested to have somewhere to go for the night.

sounds kinda fun to be honest.

then they left and i sat outside the bus exchange again for a wihle and i just text brad telling him to meet me when he came up beside me and kicked me lol so we walked around then got maccas then i waited with him for his bus and he left.

now im at a net cafe in town and was planning on playing warcraft for the next hour but i got on msn and talked to jasmine and said we should hang so shes coming into town now and were gonna do who knows what for a while.

Goodnight

dont really know what i am still doing up at this time of the morning. i'll either get a really shitty sleep or a good one. but then i'll end up sleeping in late and being woken by brad texting me to get into town NOW.

at least we can all actually meet in person now we all have texts. and i'm so suprised that i wasn't woken up by the mother this morning, i was meant to be pretending to go to course, but it got to 1pm and i hadn't even heard her trying to come into my room by then.

all i was doing was whoring myself on various sites like facebook and deviantART. then trying to download old hole music. but that hasn't really gone very well. i got into a hole mood earlier on so yeah.

i love all my idols and everything, like i look up to them so much and draw inspiration from what they do and how they work and everything, i know so many people have their heroes and try copy their behaviour and style and whatever else..
(this is kinda like stoned line of thinking but i can't explain it very well since im straight at the moment)
i know ive had my fair share of looking up to someone so much > trying to be more like them
you could say its a bad thing and you should be yourself and whatnot. theres a quote that goes something like "always try be a first-rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else".
but then i kinda think like what is myself supposed to be exactly.
we grow up taking in and learning from the behaviour and mannerisms and words of everyone around us so of course were always going to have that there, even in the back of your mind that you have these people, idols, heroes, or even just someone normal that you like or respect and admire a lot and want to adopt some of their qualities into yourself and what you do.

but is that a bad thing?

i dont really even know. take this for example:

I love Courtney Love.
Everyone knows what shes like. Her life and everything. She was into the drugs and drinking. She was a stripper. Shes a wild party crasher. Shes one of the most controversial women out there. Shes a fucking rockstar.

Now here's me who has no direction in life and basically sits around getting drunk and listening to all this music. Likes Courtney's music. Likes the idea of a rockstar lifestyle.
So then I get an idea in my head. I will do what she has done. (eventually)
Is that trying to be a second rate courtney love or has she just inspired me with getting some future plans and all that shit?

Hmmm I duno I need to be stoned for this kind of ramble and its like near 5am and I need to go to sleep hahhh...

old boy punkz

there was a while back, few years now im guessing, i dont really remember, where i was big into all this guy punk music. after a bit i stopped and pretty much just listened to chicks singing it.

tonight idk im in a mood for it again, so went to good old btjunkie (best torrent site) and downloaded some good shit.

not that i had any on this laptop but i used to have so much music on the computer before i deleted it all at some point between then and now.

YES.

Deleted ALL my music.

and most of my pictures and folders and documents and shit too. for some fucked up reason. disc cleaned up that shit.

cuz I got real stoned once and just played computer and had this like craving for old windows 95 like how i used to play on my mums then-bf's computer back ten years ago. Real old stylez and we didnt have any computer games back then so i would play something called childrens encyclopedia.

where i would try and visit every page in the whole thing to click on stars and get some certificate thing i could print out.

then you could run around all this scenery like visit mountains and gardens and rainforests and shit.

so yeah like i was major retard kid in that sense. also would play on encarta encyclopedia where i would get smart by just spending all day reading shit and pretending i had homework so i could research and write about all this different stuff.

this was also the first time i discovered good music. i didnt listen to the radio back then and didnt like my mums and her bfs cds. i didnt buy my own and only had whatever played on tv.

i stumbled upon an article about nirvana and read all about kurt cobain and all that. it had like a 30 second long audio clip and i FUCKING loved it. used to play it over and over, this stupid little 30 sec clip. i dont even remember what song it was but still..

okay i am going majorly off on a strand here but hey this is what blogs are for right?

anyway i wanted to get my computer then back to what it was in like the late 90s. so deleted all my shit and uninstalled heaps of shit and converted internet explorer back into like version 4 or some shit.

and then i played neopets.

dont ask my why the fuck i did it hahahah but once the buzz wore off i fucking regretted it.

ive kinda forgotten where i was gonna go with this after epic ramble tiemz but yeah. boy punk ftw tonight.