after meeting with emma, walking around a lot, getting starbucks, then going to the library so i could sleep and she could listen to my mp3, i fell asleep for too long and missed my appointment, went there anyway and they told me it was actually at 2.40 tomorrow! i couldve sworn when i made it, it was for wednesday. oh well. its today and i wont be late hahah.
after seeing her off ummm i dont really remember what i did then. i think i found saul and we sat at my homeless bit outside the exchange for a bit, i fell asleep with my head on my knees there. we went inside and waited for nathan to get there on the bus. i fell asleep twice. he came and we saw a few more guys from course and caught up with them etc, nathan had to go to his mums to get something then he bussed back into town to see us again. i fell asleep prob a couple more times. i think. then we went to his house cuz we were gonna stay there the night for lack of place to sleep.
we stopped at the supermarket and get some more booze and my dinner which consisted of a bag of mars pods, box of pizza shapes (which are FUCKING addicting) and a bag of the works chips. hahahahhaha nice dinner.
so we walked to his and started drinking and watching tv and shit, just boring stuff really. they played car racing games on the ps2 a bit later. nathans girlfriend was telling me she was bisexual and saying some shit about hooking up with me or having a threesome i dont know. i sat there and laughed. she was gross.
i fell asleep a lot of times on the couch, then went to bed at like 9.30 because i was just waaay too tired to stay up any longer. i put my mp3 on in bed but like one of the headphones didnt work. wheni woke up this morning the plug wasnt in properly so hopefully it was just that. and i fell asleep listening to music, not that i needed it to sleep to but it was nice having it there anyway to block out the car racing noise.
pretty much fell asleep straight away and got woken up by nathan at 7.30 cuz they were all going to course, so i had to leave too. saul told me he heard nathan and his gf fucking for like an hour. and he was sleeping downstairs. i was in the room right beside them. and i didnt even hear i was that dead to the world lol.
my fucking hair was a mess and my eyes looked like i was on some serious drugs and hadnt been sleeping for a while. so i put on my BROKEN!!! sunglasses and pulled my hood up so i was okay to go out in public hahahah.
and fuck it my damn sunnies broke yesterday. this is what happened with the last pair that were exactly the same, i put too much heavy shit in my bag and they break. i can still wear them but it feels kinda weird. i think it looks normal though. last time was a cask of wine and this time was just me carrying around shit i need to live, and a big heavy book i got from the library yesterday.
they only cost like $16 from kmart so if they fuck up any more it wont be a big problem to get new ones that are the same.
today i'm at mums cuz she text me to come over. we're trying to find some backpackers or place that rents out rooms weekly. shes been trying to convince me for days and days to move into this fucking place out at wigram, because its just down the road from course. i keep on arguing with her and she fucking wont let up. i can feel a vein on my temple flare up as i write this getting angrier about it hahahahha.. i just wanna fucking scream at her:
I DONT FUCKING GO TO COURSE CUZ I GOT KICKED OFF WEEKS AGO FSDHGDFGHGDHDF!!#$@!%#!%#!!!!!#$!!!
that would shut her up about it but also spaz her the fuck out and most likely she would throw me and my suitcase (which ive just been leaving here, dont wanna walk around town the whole day carrying that) out on the front porch. im just going to say course only has like a week to go. its easier me not living at hers because then she cant moan about me not going to course, and potientially being kicked off because of not going. heh.
i think im gonna just shower and get changed and do washing today. its weird how she lets me come back for shit like that but she wont let me actually stay there till us 3 get a proper flat. and now that i dont think shes paying the bond for us its going to take a fuckload more time.
fuck i hate this shit i feel kinda like i have to sort it out myself but i cant even do that til i find a fucking roof over my head, that has internet cuz i gotta look for flats and shit on that. and im about 90% sure beth and brad arent doing anything about it either.
it just feels like theres something in the way. ive felt this way before, a hell of a lot of times. any time that ive tried to leave home, like theres something between me and leaving. too much responsibility involved in sorting out a flat for the 3 of us by myself. i dont know really how to explain it but like an invisible wall or some shit. fuck it someone else do it :(
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