shit

you can fuck off you ugly crusty whorebag.
fuck you and your fucking face.

tryna fucking get us in shit by twisting stories and lying all your fucking mutt faces off.

grow the fuck up bitches

dear blogger

ive actually been really happy lately. for the past week i think, ish. like a couple of weeks ago id be moody all the time and get down and blank and do stupid shit and what not. but now this week im back to having fun and feeling better again so im happy about that :)

i dont really have much to say, town is fun, weve been doing silly shit, taking videos, getting drunk, having fun, all the good stuff. i cant be fucked writing about every little drunken night or fun story though.

its funny how town groups kinda change around. like ill be hanging out with certain people a whole lot for a while, then switch around to some different town bums, yeah. this lot is good and fun though. theyre having a lot of dramas brought on mostly by miley and munter lol. but yeah. thats just kids for you. the people im hanging out with now are mostly adults anyway so its kinda cool that way.

fun tiemz with awesome people

i had so much fun in town the past 2 days. yesterday breasticles bought some booze for us all and we played around in cybernutz for a while, then later went back to luke and chelseas, where we body painted everyone and took lots of pictures. im looking forward to when luke puts them on the net lol. um yeah it was me, miley, cs up, luke, chelsea, and breasticles. pretty paintings everywhere ahah. mad mike came wandering along at some point and cs up chased him away lol.

eventually at like 2 or 3am we got tired and since cs up was in conors room and she snores like a motherfucking bitch haha me and miley slept on the floor upstairs :/ but was so worth it not being woken up all night by cs ups terrible snoring lol.

in the morning got a text from lex so i dragged myself up and started drinking the leftover vodka which was like half a bottle. i couldnt find my bra and tshirt so just had to walk down the road with my jacket on and nothing underneath and holy fuck it was so fucking hot! i met emma along the way and she gave me a top to wear though so that was better.

met lex and river and hunter and marcus down by the bridge of remembrance where we sat around smoking and talking and shit for a while, me drinking, then i got real tired or something and comad on the grass beside us. then conor and brittany came along then talked some more and they had to go back to school, me and conor walked with them, went up to some really random roof of the exchange which ive never ever seen before strangley... or even knew about haha. then we walked back to town and met the others around hack, went to have a sesh with conor and this random guy, well i sat around drinking, talked for like half an hour then went back to hack again.
conor had his top off so i joined in, sitting around with the paint still all over me, if guys can sit with their tops off and its fine then i should be able to as well. we wandered around the square for a bit, went to the catherdral but got kicked out pretty much as soon as i walked in. i tried to get a photo with me and the guy who was telling me it was very inappropriate and he wasnt very impressed lol got real stressed out hahahah.
talked to random strangers in the square and got lots of looks and stares and pictures taken of me hahahh..
umm walked around back to hack, i think this was when miley came to town and she still had some of her paint on so she got her top off as well.. we walked around heaps more, around the city, through the bus exchange hahahahhaha. it was so much fun.
blah blah walked around topless for ages being silly etc etc, sat back in hack and people took lots of pictures of us.

this dude with a big camera was taking heaps and lol he gave me his card and told me to look at his site and like wants me to be a model for his XXX pictures cuz i looked at the site before and it had that section on it, HAHAHAHAHHAHA im just waiting for the ones he took today to go up there.. hopefully they will because thatd be crackup as! and he got some devevloped and printed like 10 copies and gave it to me for free so i passed them around the town bums that were in the pic, kept a few though.

at some point walked around we found nymph and typical she joins in and is topless as well. haha i got yoghurt that brittany poured down me licked off by some random girl that i dont even know lol.
eventually got in trouble with the cops and they took our names down and all that shit and told us to cover. by this point i was shaky as fuck and feeling like i was gonna faint prob from the mix of drinking/smoking/epic heat/no food so i went and got maccas with munter and then passed out upstairs there for half an hour. came back outside and fucked around for a bit more and yeah thats pretty much it. everyone fucked off real early from town today so i just bused to lexs to visit her for a bit then walked home cuz the bus was taking too long to come -_-;

im so happy though because town lately has just been shit for me and everything was shit and i kept on getting upset but today was like one of the really good town days that i used to have everyday :) just have to have heaps of fun and do silly stuff cuz life is so much better when you do :) :)

progress of my no internet day

hahah so i woke up once at about ten to 9, once at 10amish, once at 12ish, and finally got up at 12.47

i showered, blasted music, did a fashion parade trying to decide what to wear, did my hair, made food, blasted more music, lifted weights, played guitar.
then mum picked me up.

so far so good with no internet.

she nagged me most of the way home, about fighting, friends, saving money, and pretty much everything else. she says its because she worries about me and doesnt want me getting hurt, which is fine i guess but she neednt nag me to show her worry because all that does is get me angry at her and cause an argument/fight.

got to mums and went straight away to my old yearbooks, found chelsea and emma hahahah, then went through all my old shit. found some stuff that i thought was gone and lost forever so im happy. my mp3 player doesnt freakin work. time for a new one i guess.
fucked around some more at mums, played with my cat, talked to my brother. now i want to leave but mums watching some stupid tv and doesnt want to move til her shows over -______-;;;;;

so here i am at 4.40pm, on the internet. i lasted pretty much 4 hours into my day.

great effort celeste, well-fucking-done.

internetzzzz

i love how ive nothing better to do than NOTHING ALL DAY.
ive been half assedly playing runescape for the past 3 hours now. why? i have no idea.
im bored.

i dont want sleep.
theres nothing else to do.
what the fuck else can i do.

i swear i absolutely cannot go one day without the internet.
ill try tomorrow and let you know how i get on.
ill record the time i get up and then the time i last until.

i have no hope in myself already cause i highly doubt ill be able to do it but yeah. ill see.

so why am i playing runescape again? im sure i can find much better things to do when im bored.... gosh..

im still not going to leave the house until my lip heals a bit. at least a bit.

i want to be drunk and happy and funny and just a -little- silly again. but i know that doesnt happen now. why does it always take so much to get drunk? why am i always getting moody? really, whats wrong? god. i know ill achieve nothing if i just sit around at home all day. i should get out then at least im living, instead of sulking and hibernating. at least theres human interactions etc.

oh yeah that actually reminds me. mum wanted me to go and see her tomorrow. well today. since its nearly 4am.

so maybe i will progress with my no internet diet. ill get up. shower. get dressed. maybe food. go to mums. whatever. then to town. then home on the last bus? hmmm. sounds like a plan.
HEY I MIGHT WIN.

fucking rage

stupid fucking bitch cunts. all iw anted to do was smack their fucking faces in or fucking kill them. it hink the second option would have been fine. i dont want to be one of these fuckwits that carry a weapon around with them but honestly this is the second fucking time in less than a week that something has happened to my friends and ive been there both times and if i had something, shit would be a whole lot different.

they would be fucking dead.

this skankster bitch.
id gotten into an argument with it beforehand, it had followed us and it pushed me. lex pushed it back and it smacked her one. i fucked raged. i couldnt help it. it had given me a bleeding lip in our earlier fight. i didnt even fucking care but the moment it fucking touched my fucking friends. i had to be held back, i dont even know, before i fucking killed it. it sent me into actual tears of rage. ive never been even that angry before that ive started crying but i did and i kept on crying and crying and people took me away from it trying not to get into some massive fight or whatever and im walking along crying and bleeding everywhere and i dont fucking care im just raaaage and rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggge and RRRAAAGGGEEE!!!!!!!

whatever, i walked out down platform b raging and crying and bleeding, i walked around by myself and sat at some back bit crying for a while before friends came. id texted steph and pretty much as soon as they found out where i was brittany and steph where there with their arms around me. i dont even get how theyd gotten there so fast. this night had been intense. first off there was catching up with beth and talking for like 5 hours about all this deep and meaningful shit that had me wanting my mother. iw as actually fucking saying, i want my mum. and then everything was fine and were at sparks in the park and drinking and saw everyone and then this shit and fucking
hell
fuck

i fucKing wont fucking stand for seeing my fucking friends get hurt especially right in fucking front of me. noone fucking does that!

NOONE FUCKING DOES THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOONE!!!

i couldnt stop fucking crying for the rest of the niight up until now cause id like fallen asleep on the floor for who knows how long. my head hurts and my lip hurts and i just want to hold onto something tonight cause wtf fucking im just fucking immensely mad and i cant fucking describe how much rage i felt when i saw her getting hit like that it just... fuck.....

this is going to take me a while to come down from. for fucks sake. NOONE FUCKING FUCKS WITH MY FRIENDS WHEN IM AROUND OR I WILL JUST FUCKING RAGE AND I DONT CARE IF I LOOK FUCKING CHILDISH AND CUTE AND FUCKING WHATEVER ELSE PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME I LOOK WHEN IM ANGRY IM JUST FUCKING MAD AND YOU SHOULDNT FUCKING MESS WITH THAT SHIT

and i know im a fucking tiny weak bitch and i cant fucking do shit but ill still fucking get insane and fuck it hurts so much but fucki dont fucking care and fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i want to fucking SCREAM!!!!!!
im going to fucking start using hagathas weight things that i fucing stole from her which are mels i think but what fucking ever who the fuck cares whose they were i have them now and im fucking going to get some fucking punch behind my arms.

blah

ahhh fuck

saying this outloud as i start this blog.

im not even sure.
i dont know anything

i never know anything.

i spent about 45 minutes in the park laying down tonight after packing a sad in town then going home.

i guess id been in town for 13 and a halfish hours.

but i duno.

beth and andrea came and dragged me off the couch where i was spooning with beka which was nice heh.
they got annoying though because they tried forcing me to go and drink with them and i really didnt feel like it. for once. WHAT IS THIS!?

and they were really drunk and blah i dont know.

why do i always get like this when im in town and shit?

i didnt even want to leave but i didnt want to miss my last bus or anything and yeah i was just sitting there getting down and doing or saying fuck all.

so when i was in the park i tried to think about what it is that always bothers me. i didnt really come up with anything.

i know my life is going nowhere
i know i waste a lot of time on bullshit
i know i drink too much but thats only because everything is so much better and im just happy and crazy so why would i want to stop drinking
i know im kinda confused about who im liking and stuff at the moment
i know i take in a lot of other peoples problems and feel bad for them and shit
i know ive had troubles with my old friends which i fucked myself up over so bad and now everything has swung around and i broke down so much the other night when that happened

and thats about it right now.

but when i think about them they arent really that bad? like im not too bothered because nothing ever seems tto bother me? but sometimes i get in this mood where i am just down and i dont know i wont even feel like doing anything, NOT EVEN DRINKING WHICH CHEERS ME UP A FUCKLOAD BUT I JUST DONT WANT TO and when im in this mood one thing leads to another and yes bad tiemz.

it only used to happen like, not a lot, but now like its happening way too much and seems to be like nearly ever day. I DONT KNOW WHY AND IT FUCKS ME UPPPPPPPPP BECAUSE I DONT LIKE IT BUT I DO AND I WANT SOMEONE TO FIX IT OR SOMETHING BUT NO BECAUSE FUCK I DONT KNOW I FUCKING DONT KNOW ANYTHING I DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE SHOULD CARE AND WATHRCJGSMDFKSCH,GSDKJHXGKFSDGCGX,SKDMKGDSJCFDSKXF
SDGDLSFKHCGSDFCGKCJXS'GF

DSF'MCHGDXKGKJKSRHCGMUJSEHMGIK,ERSLMKHGD
GESHGCJNERCGKSHGFSRJFR
SCGFSURCHDCERSXNHFMKDJSCHDGFRSHDSMKJSGHXHGSJRKXKCSGRDCGHXDFNRJECKESF

FUCK

i want to be able to reblog

If you love something, anyone, anything,
nihilnoetia:

then stop being so goddamn afraid of the consequences and go do something about it. You big gay baby.

dreammm

i had a really strange dream last night. i dont like the ones where someones trying to attack me and no matter what i do to them i dont seem to hurt them and they never go away. i was so relieved to wake up, not that it was a nightmare, just that i was getting so emotional in the dream and angry that i couldnt do anything it was really stressful.

at first i was part of this family but it was back in some olden day times, i had a big slop of a father who was really angry and fat and gross, i dont remember my mother but i had a little sister who was a baby, and my father would hit her and swing her around and throw her into the walls and i remember being really angry and sad about that but i couldnt do anything. then my sister was a piece of paper which my father folded up and that was hurting her, so i took her and held her to keep her safe.
he left and she was back into a human but wasnt a baby was a bit older, we were staring into the fire which was in a big oven-like thing, but old styles still. we were talking about something and i was trying to get her mind off our father beating her, but somehow i was like in tune with her because i shared her memories and she kept on getting flashes of him and all the abuse so i was getting them too.

then everything changed and my father and mother turned into these other people and we were all in a really beautiful forest and my father was building train tracks and my mother was playing piano next to him and theyd been doing that the past 12 years. my sister wasnt in the picture anymore but my father was still abusive towards me. a group of men came along and started to rough my up father for taking to long to build the tracks, because itd been 12 years and still not finished and it was only this small portion of forest bit that it was in, they said he had been wasting time doing nothing and had spent their money on a piano for my mother to sit there playing all these years. but then it wasnt my mother it was a woman named priscilla and i remember feeling a strong hatred for her.
the men chased my father around and started beating him, they left and my father came after me and i ran away and the forest changed into a house and some of my friends were there, i only recognized beth as being one of them, he was trying to hurt all of us and i remember throwing irons back and forth at him and they all hit him and i just brushed them away when he threw them at me. i remember being on top of him and slamming the iron into his face but it didnt seem to hurt him which was really frustrating. we all ran around the house a bit more throwing various objects and yeah thats when i woke up.

the only thing i liked about the dream was the forest that it was in was absolutely amazing and wow i want to go live there :(

i think its kinda strange that i remember like everything about my dreams so clearly pretty much every single night. and weird things that happen but i guess everyones dreams are weird. mine are pretty normal now because last year i always used to dream about the end of the world and aliens and stuff, which always used to leave me feeling strange for days. it used to be really vivid mystical sort of stuff. blah. i want those ones back.

night lol

well this was fun, ahah we fucked around for a while and went to new world then sat at a bus stop claiming mines, then we waited a bit for river then we decided to go home and river was there, and we went and drunk in a park, the sun was fucking amazing, went back after a while and gluttoned on fish and chips, sat around a while more then got dropped off home where we listened to music and sat outside smoking, brittany came home and we talked a while more, went inside and whored on the internet while listening to music, just went down to the park for like half an hour and played on the swings, flying fox, i curled up in the tunnel then lex and river came and we lay down a while just laying there not really saying anything which was a nice moment hahah. went back and are now whoring on the internet. im sure there was a lot more to tonight and possibly will be than im writing right now but im really happy and i hope everyone else is.

i hope brittany will be okay after the doctors tomorrow. i hope that guy will get more fucked up with everything that we plan for him, i hope everyone wont be sad anymore and sort out their problems because everyone being sad makes me sad as well and i know a lot of people are pretty fucked up right now and it never used to be like this. we used to be all young and innocent but everyones growing up, and all my friends that are younger than me are growing up waaaaay faster than i ever did, just different generations, but everyone has so many problems and all i want to do is fix them and make everyone happy again because i hate i hate i hate everyone being so sad, but then again noone is ever really okay. and is this what were meant to be like? is anyone out there actually really honestly truly happy? i doubt it. that sounds so pessimistic. but im just asking because i really doubt it.
people are so complicated, it all begins with attachment, attachment to other people, and other people arent in tune with us and everyone is so completely different even though we might like to believe a person weve met is our soulmate or whatever, but i just really doubt it. this reminds me of what my best high school friend hayley said the other day, ive posted it in a blog but i want to repeat it now because its so amazingly true..

because we fuck it up, noones tuned in with anyone else anough to make something work. we all going in completely different directions, and sometimes we cross eachothers paths and it seems like wow this might be it, but then we realise we were never on the same track at all, and then we get all upset.

there you go. thats it. thats just it. ily.

lol

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

fuckwit

you fucking cunt of a motherfucker.

youll get whats coming to you.

we will fucking smash you to within an inch of death.

if youre lucky.