ive sorted a lot of things out since my last confusion post.

im at my grandparents tonight and being here reminds me of staying at the old house back years ago... always staying when i was lovesick. thinking too much, writing, actually feeling sick to my stomach. hmmmmm

playing massive amounts of final fantasy x over the holidays. fuck i loved that game.

think about becoming lovesick again, but im not the same stupid kid as i was. i can handle a lot more, and have handled a lot more. i was nothing back then. so much would hurt me. now its a different case i think.

im old,
im wise.

and apparently i have barb wire all through my face.

interesting idea, ill have to think about actually doing that.

I cant really be bothered going into much detail with blogs now. Its like so much effort and yeah thats about it. Things are happening, too much, too fast since I last posted whatever the fuck i posted.
I think things are going to be better though. Im still not used to the change.
I have to apologize to someone but i dont know quite what to say. Maybe im sorry i was born or met them or whatever.

I think with some things that never happened, its prob a good thing because if they did then my life would be waaay different. For example last year if something had happened that could have if id spoken, I wouldnt have even known any of my good friends now because i would have never met them. Or even before that, that couldnt have happened because id be somewhere fucking else.

Nevermind. it all gets too stupid if i go back like that. whats done is done kind of thing, although last night i really really fucking wished i would have done something to change how shit turned out, but all that was a year ago. A little more. At least I wasnt drunk. I still even cried a little even though i was sober. I know if id had alchz i would been out and down those stairs having a massive stupid fucking emo time.

Oh well. what the fuck can you do but move on. I might try go back. One day.

fooled you haha

me and mikes entertainment for the night. pretending to be fucked off our faces on some sort of drug. we didnt say what.

first we were abducted by aliens who took us to a gay bar on uranus then i was talking to a chick who looked like a tiger while mike was searching for dragons in the cave outside. i sat on top of a rock of candy floss that tasted like 3 while i heard a mighty roar from the cave.

we got home and robbie had 14 lying mouths with purple lips and eyeballs in each one. only one spoke the truth but you couldnt tell so you had to disregard everything he said. conor had a cat on top of his head that was slowly eating away at his brain and licking his eyeballs. brandon was a giant, jay was hiding in the bathroom which we barricaded with boulders and wood. he became a shadow and stuck on robbies face then came over to me then disappeared when i shook him off me.
robbie left slime all over me whenever he touched me and i was warding everyone off with mikes dragon-beating laser.

i started melting and my skin dropped all over the ground which mike picked up and moulded back on. mike was holding a fire which kept us warm, which burnt me a few times.

noone had any cigarette papers except for mike when he pulled them out of his pockets he started eating them and said they tasted like green. i took the remainder from his old pouch and ate those as well, then spat them at conor.

i dont think they were too happy at us eating the only papers in the house hahahah.

we were in a swamp at some point, my feet got wet and sticky. i was on the roof floating and robbie had a really stretchy arm that reached me from the floor.

hmmm that was most of the interesting things i think, it was fucking funny acting all that out and they actually believed it, we told them in the morning after robbie had rated us 10 on the scale of being fucked. hahahahhaahha.