lol

today in town was fun. i got a spike for my piercing, yay! and got a mctriple at maccas south city! im so happy i havent had one since me and steph used to work at warehouse stationary and go get one like 2 or 3 times a day! hahahahah. man i love them, its like a triple cheeseburger with bacon and mayo!! hmm fuck yeah.

then went to town, found tubby brittany and emma and we threw bk drinks at him, he got mad and charged around after me lol. then found some cleaners bucket and wet a rag and threw it at him, he chased me some more, i gave him his exercise for the month. brittany and emma stole his bag and ran off with it whilst he chased me around asking ME where it was, hahah wtf! they came back and gave it back but still had his smokes and cellphone, so me and brittany ran and hid and texted heaps of people saying hey sexy blah blah etc, emma found us while we were spying on tubby from afar. we yelled at him and he gave chase again so we ran like everywhere, then he got the cops on us lol and he came back, we sat down and threw his phone in the middle of the ground so he got it back. i got some real sexy pics of his angry face lol. lisa came along and threw more drinks at him, i took a video and more pics, he got real mad and talked to the cops about her so they went and had a chat with lisa. we took pics of her hahahah.

then went to the library and played barbie secret agent, fave game ever! got bored and found the dyke security guard, whose name we found out is HENNIS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOLZLOLZ FOREVER!!!! HAHAHHSAHH HENNIS!!! HAHAHAHAHHA!!! we took pics of her and hid in the toilets, came out and she was outside and escorted us out. we took hot pics of us all with her in the lift lol. fucked off back to town and some asian raged at lisa for punching his internet cafe sign. emma and brittany bussed home. lisa destroyed her phone. we found alex and went back to the library and got kicked out again and they threatened to call the cops on us. we just wanted to see our babe hennis!! hahahahah. wish i could upload the sexy pics of her on here but i dont have a thing for putting the camera in here.

uhhh then we went to see kim and jesse, kim gave me bright red hair dye so im going to put some of that in tonight! then chelsea picked us up in the car. we drove and visited steph, tubby and alex were there lol and tubby was sitting there in a blanket in his boxers cuz his pants were soaked! hahahahhaa! took more pics then fucked off, went and visited miley and took her for a drive, then went and saw her house. she has like 10 kittens!! and a little mouse! cute! her house is real fucking cool theres like stairs with little alcoves EVERYWHERE and her room is in one fo them! fuck its a cool house! she has this hot poo red wig that i wore and got a hot pic of lol. then yeah went back into town and now at cyber, we are probably going to drink tonight so had a real fun afternoon/night and itll end up even more fun after we get booze :)

this is mainly for jasmine

alright i cant be fucked texting so ill just kinda try write about last night here. drinking beers, then mescaline, then ate some mushies. and drunk some in a tea. the tea was amazing cuz when i was already tripping out it hit me instantly with more trippyness. basically like you see a whole lot of colours and swirls and like buzzy stuff everywhere you look. if you close your eyes you see amazing visuals. and you think about a lot of things, its a whole lot diff to pot, i dont know if youve ever had mushies before but yeah i cant really explain just the mesc cuz i mixed it with them. it did taste real nice when i had it like kinda slimy but yum like a tea or something.
dj was going on an insane trip and talking about how he was god and he understood everything and the universe and all this shit, it would have been nutso but pretty much i just thought about like things how i can make life better i suppose. i know i twittered some shit when i could be fucked getting my phone, everytime i pulled it out though the whiteness of the screen would be rainbow and 3d and have like cubes and stuff and id stare right into it.
people are amazing to have drugs with though and everyone trips you out in different ways, theres no real reason to be rude to people or hate on anyone because if you talk to people and do stuff like this with them they become like amazing. everyone is good. dj was amazing to trip out with, he was in his chair taking everyone on massive trips with what he was talking about. i love him hes great. and charlie well hes got some good ideas in his head. i was asking all these questions about everything and he had every answer.

i wish i coulda recorded my eyes on camera because thatd be great. i dont really know what like the drugs do individualy cuz i havent had either of them by themselves but really they are both so great. ahaha. you just like learn things and realize shit like i used to get that when i first started pot like have massive realizations and trips but fuck that doesnt happen anymore.cuz pot is for dirty fucking stoners, useless shit. try better stuff. do it

whatever. friends + doing stuff = good mood.
not the other way around.

fuckin well done.

blah

i really wanna go somewhere like away out of here maybe ill just fucking grab someone and go hitchiking to who knows where. or at least today i wanna fucken go somewhere interesting or errr i duno. need a car. fuck it. i cant keep annoying people to entertain me cuz that just fucks them off most of the time heh.
well emma is entertaining me right now she put me in a conversation with some horny kid in england that shes pretending to want to fuck. we both live in england apparently at 123 park road. yay.

sleeping on couchs is fun. the ones at mums are actual real comfortable. the only thing that sucks is they get up so fucking early like 7 or 8 or something and im still wanting to sleep til like at least mid day but mum always wakes me up and shit. today they took the couch to my auntys cuz they bought a new one instead. so i had to get off and and i just rolled onto the floor and slept a while there. then i was in the way again so i had to like crawl in my sleeping bag over to the other one then mum comes like a couple hours later all like "get up you have things to do today blah blah move all this mess i want to open the curtains blah blah"
meh so i have to get up and have a shower then i wanted mum to like take me for a carride out to somewhere because im just that fucking bored that i will put up with being a car with her for a couple hours or whatever just to go somewhere else.
but no, she has work, so i dont get anything.

i have like $15 but that wont get me very far. blah. FUUUUUUUUU KLFHJSDLKHGDJKSFHGJDFSHRESHGIUEN

WHAT THE HELL I HATE THIS PLACE I HATE BEING FUCKING NOTHING TO DOOO.

WHO WANTS TO LEAVE THIS CITY TODAY

feel better about this now.

fuck you

i know by now i cant get anything out of this so why stick around and be bothered and waste all my fucking thoughts
WELL I JUST CANT FUCKING HELP IT

i listened to new courtney love songs tonight and i like them.

tonights shit

rage rage rage fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu rage a lot tonight.
i hate this fucking laptop because the m key is fucking up and pressing itself when its not welcome so to avoid that im ctrl+v-ing whenever it comes up but it still fucking insists anyway and frustrating BEYOND FUCKING BELIEF

i was like tearing tonight cuz of going on myspace and to christies page and reading all my old comments and looking at her albums and blah.
i miss her so much like there used to not be a day where we wouldnt talk for at least half the day and about everything and sometimes itd be all day and all night and she pretty much knew EVERYTHING about me.

but now
now i hardly talk to her at all and if i do its only about something stupid and little like you can never really get that back sort of thing.

wanted to talk to her tonight after this BUT SHES NOT ONLINE

and brittany told me not to remind myself of all this and be happy for the rest of the night but its kinda not really working, sorry.

things are changing, again, like always, i dont know what to do. it can never fucking be the same for very long these fucking days CAN IT!?
fucks sake.

im suposedly going to go see aj tomorrow but i dont know if that will happen, i have things to do and cant really be fucked going all the way out to hornby for the length of a bus transfer only to sit around and be bored because jays presence kills things a lot. i hate that she still lives with him and all the way out there and that she doesnt make him sleep on the fucking couch.

i been listening to this band rocket, i really want to find their songs for downloading but theyre only on myspace and facebook and all you can do is listen. theres only one live video on youtube and googling does nothing. you cant even search for their lyrics and theres this song thats playing which ive been trying to figure out some of the lyrics for so ill try write them out here from what i can hear.

but i know just whats going on
and all i want is you
i cant understand myself
with the world around me
and theres noone else but you
each and every time you do

and if you only knew
i just cant stand myself
something something fuck i cant get the rest of the chorus
sommething about i just cant help myself

anyway whatever, maybe theyll get famous and the song will become easy to find.

i hate when i have stupid emotional nights and pack a fucken sad over mostly the same thing every fucken time. when i try think about it and like explain it to other people i have all these feelings that so want to burst out of me but all that comes out is GSIFIGSDFSGOIOIFHSMGDFSOWIO.
even with steph all i can say about is it like GOFGIOEOIOEDvEROOndsRE and shes like WUT U SED DAT LYK HEAPZ ALRDY WUT U WANT Y U SAD??!1

i probably could explain properly if i wanted to but itd take a lot of thinking about what i wanted to say and careful words. and most of the time i wont say a lot just because i cant be fucked.

so many stupid things i keep reminding myself of and sorry fagz but i really cant help it. hah.
id like to be able to sort myself out before i die.
fuck it
im getting along.

theres not a lot of fucking time left and ive done fucking nothing, i wanna leave, id go tomorrow if i had that kind of money. but i really would like to sort out things here as soon as i can because its fucking over halfway through fucking may already and WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID THAT EVEN FUCKING HAPPEN! time goes too fucking fast. why the fuck even.
but i wouldnt even know where to start. id have to have intense conversations with a few people. i can probably actually come up with things to say pretty quickly. so why not have these conversations right now? this has happened too many times before and someones probably going to get angry or whatever with me saying things again. or just sick of it and like -____-
the only thing im scared of is that these conversations wont change anything, and seriously im not being underconfident in myself but i reeeeally can see that happening. and then it all will have been for nothing and would be better off before id said anything at all.

the thing is though, with life, you could fucking die tomorrow. so you should live with no regrets and to the fullest extent right? but you cant. most of the time you end up not dying and having to face consequences of carefree things youve done. actually this bit isnt coming out right. scrap it.
what if something happens. what will i feel like when i know ive had a chance to say things ive wanted to but didnt and now cant anymore.
and i wouldnt really care if i died and never got to fix shit up i guess because id be dead so yeah. blah why am i talking about me dying. this is just turning to ramble now. nothing meaningful left. the tangent i was on is gone. fuck this.

old blog, 11/april, with stephs reply :)

last night i waslked for 5 and a half hours. from addington to an abandoned factory in heathcote. it may have been a long fucking walk but i had to get out of the house. getting too angry and restless and bored cooped up here.
im beginning to get into weird moods again. i feel like things arent right here anymore.

just people i think, more changes, more coming and going, feelings changing, i dont know whats what anymore and what i think about things.

i dont like this city. im sick of everything. theres nothing to do, nowhere to go.
nothing keeping me here.
there could be, but theres not.

today i sat in hagley park for 3 hours. against a tree by a little creek. i dont know what i did there for that long. but i had a ladybug asleep on me for like 2 hours. i dont know why it stayed. i came back dirty and leafy and everyone was like where the fuck did you go.

jcsklhjxgkdjfhgjdhgkdshgksdgjkjdhgkksrhiuhjenskgthsk

i cant really describe what im sick of here but i have an overwhelming sense of it.

i want to leave. i need to leave. if i sell all my shit i dont need i should get a bit of money.

thats about all i can think of saying at the moment..



--------
even if you leave, it wouldn't really change anything. I mean, it would for maybe a little while, things might feel different for a bit, but then it would just be the same old stuff, just with a different crowd. Unless you completely changed how you lived, and then I guess it wouldn't really be the same...

But here, you have people who love you, and want to help you, and care for you, and if you went somewhere else, how could they do that, how could they help and care for you? Maybe you should just go on a holiday for a bit, and stuff around for a while, and then come back and see how you feel. Idk, maybe the people you are around just aren't good for you, but then again I guess it's not as simple as that anyway.... Either way, if you decide to do anything, no matter what you decide, I'm here for you and love you always :D

But you have to give me sex, cause love isn't unconditional, ya know? :P

fuck

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

good cunts

tonight we drunk on top of a bell in the gardens. it was great fun. there was me, brittany, amber, cory, robbie who just was an emo by himself by a tree the whole night, dj, and some other randoms.

we had a great time then got joined by a few more people then walked to town, some of them went home then the rest of us walked to the skatepark and climbed up to the top of this massive tower which looked amazing from the very top and especially while youre drunk and spinning! so have to go up there more often.

we decided we wanted to go to the beach and go for a swim in the ocean, a few people left to go home so there was me, cory, and 3 others, a skinhead, that emo thing, and the guy who liked making random noises.

the walk was real fun, i cant believe the whole way we only ran into 2 other people which was outside eastgate who asked us for a smoke hahah.
on the way me and cory like trashed everything in sight, went to the edmonds gardens and smashed up lights and jumped in bushes, went to some school and fucked stuff up there, had to run from the cops and hid in someones front yard which the yelling guy whined about cuz he jumped through a rose bush and got scratches on his arm... oh no.... get mummy to kiss it better! fuck! i ripped a trash can off its hinges and threw it onto the road outside eastgate hahahahahha!!!

then walked some more, stopped for food and drink at one of their houses, I HAD FUDGE! yum!

got to the beach eventually after whiny guy complained about his feet being sore, hahahah, went into this smashed up shop thing which looked interested, got to the beach and the waves were massive!!!

3 of the guys pussied out and only me and the skinhead ended up going into the ocean.
reminds me of the time at taz's when only me and jay actually went out!

i was in my bra and undies and wasnt event feeling cold.

played around in the ocean for a while before coming back out and taking the piss out of the others for being pussy shit.
im not going to let cory live this down, seriously, its cory! hahaha! scared of a little cold water!! hahahahhaha!!!

then like walked back to mums and here i am. my nipples are really cold right now and like sticking up a lot and pointy and lolz. one was poking out to the side real weirdly so i had to poke it back into place hahhahahah. mum has a packet of the works chips but i dont feel like them! i opened them and ate one then couldnt be fucked with the rest so blah! i had a glass of milk though, woo.

okay im bored and pretty much said all of the night so bye! hahahaha.
i find it so funny that i had so much more balls than 3 guys tonight.

sorry but i have to get this out

fucking dodgy old cunt
walking around like he owned the fucking place
he got what he fucking wanted
everyones fucking gone
fucking asshole fucker
everything was fine til he moved in
we had free run without having to worry about him being around
nutting at all our friends
tryna control everything
noone even fucking cares about whatever the fuck you have to say about your pathetic fucking "hardcore" life ALL THE FUCKING TIME
noone even fucking wanted you there in the first fucking place except for idiot retard jay
fucking white pride this, black power that, mongrel fucking mob whatever the fuck.
go take your fucking 10 different fucking personalities and fuck up some other peoples lives, how bout you go do the same thing to some of your fucking nigger mates you fuckshow
fucking creeping about in my room doing who the fuck knows what you fucking sick FUCK
FUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKIIINNNNGGGGGG DDDDDIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE CCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTT

i might try and have like a "tough" exterior and shit
but really just cant be fucked with confrontation and what not.

theres a lot of bad things in the world and if you mouth off to the wrong person or even just someone that thinks theyre hard shit then little girls still end up getting fucked up in the end.

i dont really care, stuff is just stuff, nothing like that really matters.

but today when i hugged my father for the first time in years, i really did almost burst out crying.

lolzlolz

hahahahah i just got nutted at in town by lisas ugly mutt girlfriends mum.

apparently im a nark and shes going to take me on and all this hilarious bullshit.
hah i never even told her mole daughters name to the cops and whats more the bitch is pregnant because lisa came over last night and told me that her and her gf both work and the gf gets angry cuz lisa takes all the customers away from her.

WHAT THE FUCK

who the fuck would be desperate enough to pay that fuckwit for sex. shes disgusting.
and then fucking working unprotected is even more fucking gross...

thats going to make like one of the fucking ugliest babiest in like existance..
that thing with some dirty old mans love child....

EWWWWWWWw