old blog, 11/april, with stephs reply :)

last night i waslked for 5 and a half hours. from addington to an abandoned factory in heathcote. it may have been a long fucking walk but i had to get out of the house. getting too angry and restless and bored cooped up here.
im beginning to get into weird moods again. i feel like things arent right here anymore.

just people i think, more changes, more coming and going, feelings changing, i dont know whats what anymore and what i think about things.

i dont like this city. im sick of everything. theres nothing to do, nowhere to go.
nothing keeping me here.
there could be, but theres not.

today i sat in hagley park for 3 hours. against a tree by a little creek. i dont know what i did there for that long. but i had a ladybug asleep on me for like 2 hours. i dont know why it stayed. i came back dirty and leafy and everyone was like where the fuck did you go.

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i cant really describe what im sick of here but i have an overwhelming sense of it.

i want to leave. i need to leave. if i sell all my shit i dont need i should get a bit of money.

thats about all i can think of saying at the moment..



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even if you leave, it wouldn't really change anything. I mean, it would for maybe a little while, things might feel different for a bit, but then it would just be the same old stuff, just with a different crowd. Unless you completely changed how you lived, and then I guess it wouldn't really be the same...

But here, you have people who love you, and want to help you, and care for you, and if you went somewhere else, how could they do that, how could they help and care for you? Maybe you should just go on a holiday for a bit, and stuff around for a while, and then come back and see how you feel. Idk, maybe the people you are around just aren't good for you, but then again I guess it's not as simple as that anyway.... Either way, if you decide to do anything, no matter what you decide, I'm here for you and love you always :D

But you have to give me sex, cause love isn't unconditional, ya know? :P