ergh

im still pretty damn fucked.
i cant sleep properly i spend hours tossing and turning despite having the comfiest bed ever, this has never happened before. i comad in a pile under a blanket on the couch today and got a semi sleep for about an hour.
i wake up stupidly early and cant get back to sleep even though im really tired. ive been yawning all day.

i can drink myself into comas and sleep on the floor quite comfortably but i guess im sober when ive been trying to sleep properly.
if i had the money id drink myself to sleep every night. seems like i need it.
maybe its those pills from the other night. maybe i took too many. altho last time i took too many pills i slept til like 4pm the next day so hmm.

ive been quite emotional today as well as the drowsyness.
i got real happy before and i couldnt stop grinning now i feel like im about to cry at any point. i dont really know why. as far as i know ive sorted my main problem out.

my stupid fucking mother blames my sleeping problems on not having a job. A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! WTF IS HER PROBLEM SERIOUSLY!!! YOU CANT JUST BLAME EVERY FUCKING THING ON NOT DOING ANYTHING! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!

it gets me so fucking enraged that i just yell at her that shes a stupid cunt and knows nothing so why the fuck do i even bother trying to have a conversation with her! which then sets her off and blah.

altho when im not on the computer playing games and shit i do feel really sad and all i can see else to do is coma somewhere cuz whats the point in being conscious when its all shit.