today i wanted to die

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

fuck it fucks me off. you dont even know, fuck

this song is like fucking amazing, the lyrics like everything she means something, like i dont know how to talk because i am a retard but i get all the references to things in what she says.
even something stupid like, hang onto me forever baby, i could always swim. i reckon its referencing kurt as with every one of his songs, him being a pisces, water star sign which is meaning like her understanding how to love him or some bullshit. becuz its hard when you have a fucked up person with that sign.
maybe i look far too into this or maybe i just love those two so much hahaha but all her songs bro like every single one she sings them with like so much meaning and its amazing that one person can have so much emotion into shit like she does. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oh courtney love, i fucken love you.

i wanted to write something but idk what to

hmmm im at mums today and tonight probs, old people left for australia, pretty sure i wont be able to stay living at mums though cuz of her house is failing and she has to move, dun even know where she'll go, and im sort of in limbo atm, i dont want to get another flat in this city cuz i want to leave this gay place, i want to wait until like amber or alex or someone gets their shit together and leave cities with them.

im not sure what ambers up to cuz she was gona go get on the benefit but now she says she wants to get a job and idk if shes even doing anything of that like shell prob just bum around and be on her stupid fucking drugs in woolston till she decides she actualy wants to change, cuz i dont see her upto anything atm. if she doesnt want to leave by the time alex finishes his parole im just gonna leave with him. itll be real sad sure if she stays behind but atm im just over everything here and everyone as well.

same old people doing the same old fucking shit every fucking week. really its just all bullshit. theres no point. i cbf with anyone at all lately. well except a few people i talk to theyre okay but most of the cunts atm are just like fuck, get fucked, maybe im just being in a moody cuz of rag. like last friday i just took off from a party, idk why really just couldnt be fucked with it anymore, then didnt talk to anyone the rest of the weekend.

anyone thats fucken known me for a while tho knows that i get like this sometimes. just like me and lisa fighting, its something thats bound to happen a few times a year. i think ive done quite well even, not being like this until mid april. its been a long road since last time i was in a hate everything mood.

i fucked up 96% of my school years. christ thats a bit much, i guess its true though. OH THIS SOUNDS FUN LETS DO IT

[x] Gotten detention.
[x] Gotten your phone taken away.
[x] Gotten in school suspension.
[x] Got sent to the principal's office.
[x] Chewed gum during class.


[ ] Gotten more than 8 tardies.
[x] Didn't do homework over 3 times.
[x] Turned at least 3 projects in late.
[x] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[x] Talked too much and got kicked out of class.

[ ] Got your mom/dad etc. to get you out of school.
[x] Text people during class.
[x] Passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.


[x] Pulled down the fire alarm
[x] Myspace, Friendster, Xanga, etc. on the computer at school.
[x] Took pictures during school hours.
[x] Called someone during school hours.
[x] Listened to an ipod/cd player/mp3 during class.


[x] Threw something at the teacher.
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[x] Broke the dress code.
[x] Failed a class.
[x] Ate food during class.


[x] Gotten a call home.
[ ] Couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn't take your stuff to school.
[x] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[x] Stuck your middle finger at a teacher.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear.


[x] Slept in class.
[x] Cursed at a teacher.
[ ] Copied homework.
[x] Felt hungry during class and left to eat.
[x] Got into so many fights.
Total= 32

Times your total by 3
Repost as "I f***ed up ...% of my school years."

maybe the only way to get over my anger problems atm is to go cold turkey..
so it looks like im probably gonna just be hermitting it out for the next fuck knows how long.

but i dont know if thatll make it even worse or ill get fucken sad or happy or what. or if shit will go the way i want it to or if shit will just be dead.

i real need a fucken distraction like, fuck, um gonna save for a ps2 and FFX. that will just consume my days forever and ever and i wont even care.
fuck i dont need this world.

I think im

getting sick of people again

yrsysrtj

its sad that i dont write about haggard drunk tiemz anymore. like at the end of 2009 all my old blogs are just shit like, writing down every detail of every drunken day and tagging everyone i was with and all that. dont have the patience for that anymore. so ill just write about my day today i guess?

i was real fucking happy today cuz i just got to see all my favorite people and it was good fucken tiemz.

i woke up real fucken late, and was sposed to meet amber at the start of lunch at hagley, so we could yell at cunts in our butane voices, but no i was a sleeping cunt and got to school at 1pm instead. its okay though cuz we still had our butane and amy and courtney were there so we had a wee run about and a high and shit which was fun. it just makes you like so so buzzy and energetic and happy and you wanna grin and laugh and speak in your deep voice thats why its awesome.

we fucked around till afterschool and i saw some cunts that i havent seen for ages, and jessie ate my finger with her cheek then fatted off to kfc haha. we got connor and walked to the mall thru the park. reeeeeal fucking hot afternoon.
then we got some more bueys cuz we ran out....

oh and i be'd a fat cunt and got kfry (then a maccas combo an hour afterwards XD) and the 2nd butane can was sooo fucking good, we met emma and brittany and just sat outside the mall doing it, then went inside. hunted doubtfire for a bit. then went to get food again.

it was so fucking intense sitting in the food court just doing that shit like i got the mad high off it, i couldnt even speak properly about it i was just like, fuck, fucked out bro. everything went real like, inside my head like everyones words from the food court were all blurred and echoey and the people around me were speaking real slow and all i could mostly hear was like the dinging of rail road lights when the barrier goes down. connor got so fucked from it too with me he didnt even know what was going on for ages.

we skitzed out for a bit cuz the pigs were in the mall and they were headed straight for us, we thought some cuntfucker had rang them cuz we were huffing shit in public like that but it was just some stupid fucking idiot fuckwit complaining about us being too noisy.

FOR FUCKS SAKES ITS A FUCKING MALL WHO THE FUCK CARES IF A GROUP OF CUNTS ARE FUCKING YELLING ITS NOT LIKE WERE RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING FACE YELLING DEATH THREATS DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT YOU FUCKING MENTAL FUCKING INVALID!!!!

seriously people ring the fucking piggys for the most retarded fucked up ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING REASONS these days it fucks me off so much. everyone like that just needs to have their fucking heads blown off with fucking shot-fucking-guns oh my fucking god i actually want to kill someone right now.
like one fucking time some fucking motherfucker analface cunt rang the pigs cuz me and amber were walking down a motorway. what the fuck is that. fuck.
stop talking about this shit now retard youre making yourself angry, FUCK!

anyway um we saw like sarah at the food court and she joined us for a bit when we relocated to upstairs carpark after the piggies left. where we just pretty much fucked around then cunts started going. amy gave me this letter with a mystical as fuck water dragon on it. and a lot of writing about mystical high stories haha.
this drawing of the water dragon leads me to suspect that she knows about the doubtfire/hennis water dragon colony underground and the earthquake conspiracy. she would be fucken legend if she did.
then my brother came and picked me and amber up.
he drove us around the carpark for a bit like a useless cunt only to stop at the outside maccas where old ralphy bought us tea and amber niggerflipped off home on the bus.
connor and sarah came back and we sat outside and had a cigwooreeeet, then we all bussed home.

THE END.

fuckkkk ive been so fucking bored lately, nothing to do, nowhere to go, sitting around everyday doing the same fucking thing. fuck its like were going crazy.
last night i got ultra drunk and just comad everywhere and made a mess of myself all over facebook and the party i went to. only 2 bottles of vodka which managed to get 3 people decently FUCKED, and thats weird for me, my tolerance is dropping which is a good thing but its weird cuz i havent had a low tolerance in soooo long. cheap drunk! woo.

i had a real good conversation with charlotte last night, fuck shes amazing. i was just all emo and shit and she came and like real cheered me up and explained things like she just knew the answers to the universe. it was greeeeeeeat.

now im in some random guys house in like fendalton or some shit, smelling like rotten eggs cuz one exploded on me, not really knowing whats going on, wanting amber to get the FUCK up so we can go to fucking riccarton and do something already!!

fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkk this when will it go away, im not keen to skip town again, fuck school.

CLEAR HEAD PLZ.

happy tiemz

so i have a cd that makes me super cuz of it has distillers and bikini kill and hole on it and i have a new flat which has been awesome cuz heaps of cunts just come around and chill like everyday, ambers been living with me which is fun haggard tiemz. been drinking and discovered a new high ;D its better than having like nothiing to do and ending up buggerizing around being useless in shitty old town cuz its kinda like addington which was the awesome fun tiemz. we have internet and playstations this time tho so its better. real fucking want final fantasy x because ive been fiending for it like so fucking bad for the past ages. so someone should give me a copy XD

fuck this i cbf writing anymore so ill just stop by saying im getting over my stupidness by amber cuz i think i might like someone else, but i dont know yet so poos

fuck

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk im not sure if something is messing with my head or theres actually something wrong with me. im fucked, am i fucked? maybe its the too much drinking, too much drugging, that poison? that fucks with your head? maybe its not and its just me and maybe idk i think thats weird its like an old ive had that feeling before feel but it shouldnt be from anything because what induced all that last time havent had any of but maybe its still there and it was just my head and nothing else? fuck wtf. i think its time to go away..

boys on the radio

quite possibly might be one of the saddest songs ever

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrro

okay so ive been sitting on the internet all day playing runescape. i thoguht id post some shit in this since i barely ever seem to anymore.

i dont have too much to say except that ive been haggarding around a lot lately. i love being haggard, its so much fun, so much better than just being a silly fuck that doesnt do anything. its pretty much the best describing word ever.

I like the fact that i have like an other half which im rarely ever seen without. i like the fact that its sad saying goodbye even though we see each other like everyday, i like the fact that we both get sad to the same shit and i know why, i like the fact that we have wayyyyy too many fucked up things in common that just blows our minds everytime we fucking discover new shit. i like the fact that theres someone else just as fucked up as me and weve pretty much created our own little world with all this shit we believe in.
some of these things i dont actually like, infact it makes me really sad. the worst thing is that i know a little something something but IT WONT HAPPEN. well not yet at least. its like sooo close and sooo stupid and sooo FUCK!! and im impatient. but i think it will happen. one day.
one day..

ive gotten a lot better with things like this now also. i dont stress and be all stupid as much. i can control it and be happy.

and i am a happy person now. see i do this little thing called not giving a fuck. it makes life so much easier. i dont get why other people cant just do it. its easy enough. i may have this one little sad bit but i dont show it and i sure as fuck dont go off and cry about it by myself or anything like that. anything thats happened in the past stays in the past. a few people i know need to hammer that into their heads. then maybe theyd be alright as well.